Beautiful? Happiness?

"Happy Charade"
you weren't happy, were you?
but you put that stupid face paint on
wrote smiling faces on your arms
and gave yourself fake eyelashes
curled your red ribboned hair
and spoke in fancy dialects
so people would want to be close to you
and hear your fake accents
i knew the truth behind the charade
and knew the real you since you were a boy
you can claim in all your glitter paints
but I've seen the truth before
you weren't happy, and i know
and you'll make them believe it was so
but in all you acting you forgot
who was the one who made the clothes
you're wearing?
who watched you break the mirrors?
who watched you speak in shivers?
who held your hand as you laid in your own grief?
i know beneath your starry eye lids and under
those flowers on your cheeks
is a boy who played the happy one was he
but you never were
and i know you weren't
so get the stupid act out of the way
it's ok
it's ok
it's ok


7/19/10

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Deep Beauty"

she has eyes like pond water
sort of like dirty shoes
and maybe lettuce that sat too long outside
she has hair like hay bails
like saw dust spun in strands
and horses may all follow her like she offers dinner
she walks like she owns half the world
and like her toes are golden
like the carpet beneath her is red instead of grey
her nails are brittle, face unclean
and her thoughts like ash
burned hopelessly down to cinders of nothing
she preaches peace and speaks in cruelty
cautions against lies but lacks all honesty
burns down the witches after calling them hers
and shouts out at God after denying His words
she was the princess who begged saving
so she could drown her prince
and the moat is still holding his body captive
her lips are the underbelly of war ships
and the aftermath of explosions
is left marking her tongue like a branded truth
some call her beautiful
but her beauty runs deep

7/19/10

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Moonlight Masquerade

I was the masquerade, my dear
the frills, feathers and gems, my dear
I was the music and the laughter and joy
and I was the smile on a face too coy
the glee in their hearts dancing in swirls
with a finger wrapped round the ends of my curls
I was the parade through the middle that night
the dance throughout beneath moon's light
I was the lips that smiled in perfection
the last inch of the floor filled with inspiration
I was the masquerade, my dear
the dance planned for chances, my dear
The masks and the hidden faces of youth
the concealment in this dance lacking truth
I was the music and the laughter and joy
and I was the smile on a face too coy
I made the glee in their hearts dancing in swirls
with a finger wrapped round the ends of my curls
the charade that ended at exactly midnight
when the slippers all fell beneath the moon's light

One Last Balloon (explicit)

***WARNING LANGUAGE***






"One Last Balloon"

If I poke at the wounds, am I a bitch?
I insist that you reclaim your weary heart now
If I turn away and slip on my mask
does that make me an accessory to your destruction
or am I just a coward here?
It's not the way I had planned this party to end
The final number was bloody with black letters
in the shapes of angry words on the walls
and I should say it's my fault
for inviting you
But I thought the cake would be enough to
cease your hunger
So I let it go and grab the salt and say "come here"
rub inside those scars, get the message now
and hope my signal becomes clear
and I know I'm wrong for it
turning a blind eye behind grey feathers
and I'll close my eyes too
and pretend I never knew what to do about this
My party was a wreck
and I burned all the wrapped up gifts
popped the balloons and painted the walls a fresh
crisp white
Then I rolled out the red carpet and told the kids
to come and play
while I counted individual salt grains
wearing a mask of grey
and holding one last balloon
singing stupid songs wearing cheap perfume
take your silly heart and the cake I made for you and
eat it all
I've got salt to count
and a carpet cleaner to call


By Elizabeth Azpurua

West St.

"West St."

this is abysmal really
and i haven't a clue how to cope
there's no handbook you see
nor a map of pitfalls
it's all posters with arrows
pointing in opposite directions
and a little man saying
follow me
there's no hope in his eyes
and he's an evil way about him
and i presume he's trying
to destroy me now
i can't wait forever at this
crossroads
someone better give me a sign
that says where west is
i think i'm supposed to go there
that's what i was told once
anyhow
and who knows where west is?
probably far behind me
marked by some pebble
too small to see

7/5/10

Bring Him the Sun

"Bring Him the Sun"

He was all quiet in his pain

and I could hear it

from his soul

He was all shelterd by his frame

his body breaking

and unwhole

and they were all laughing in the corners

as he gave his final speech

when they'll all close the shutters

and his eyes will never reach

the sun

He was all whispers through his mouth

and I could feel the pain

from his lips

His hopes and dreams were leaving to the south

and I could see the drain

put upon him

and they were taking trains to the north

as he waved his final goodbye

well they never saw his worth

nor heard that solemn lonely cry

for the sun

So bring him the sun and let it shine

Somebody tell that boy he will be fine, he will be fine

and don't you let them shut the door on his future

and his life

and keep those damned windows open

he needs to see the light

of the sun

He was all choked sobs in the night

and I could feel his pain

through the walls

Dreaming of the world bathed in bright

take away all the shame

and hear his calls

but they were busy laughing in their joys

as he was trying to cope inside

and every little moment passed behind their noise

was the longing to open his arms wide

to the sun

So bring him the sun and let it shine

Somebody tell that boy he will be fine, he will be fine

and I won't let them shut the door on his future

or his life

I'll keep those damned windows open

he needs to see the light

of the sun

I'll bring him the sun

So he'll never curl into the darkness there

And he'll never whisper prayers to the air

His voice can ring out across the brightest sky

And I'll not let that wave be his final goodbye

So he'll never double over sobbing grief

As his body shakes alone grasping his knees

I'll be the one to open windows on his soul

And take his fragile wounds and make him whole

So bring him the sun and let it shine

Somebody tell that boy he will be fine, he will be fine

and I won't let them shut the door on his future

or his life

I'll keep those damned windows open

he needs to see the light

of the sun

I'll bring him the sun

Yes I said I'll bring him the sun

I'm here to help him reach towards the sun

Somebody help the boy feel the sun

Save him and we'll bring him the sun



By: Elizabeth Azpurua

I Gave it Away, Got Silence and I'm So Wrong and Far Away

i wanted to give it to you once - many a time i would have, but you never came. never took it. never asked. i wanted to see you. to touch you. to ask you how your life has been. you never showed up. so i gave it away.
but then he reduced it to pieces - like a broken window. he shattered it. and then he felt bad, so he swept it into a pile. i almost forgave him. but then he opened the door and the wind came and the pile blew away and all over everything. i would have given it to you. but you never asked. i listened to your voice and saw your smile and tried to get you to see me. you didn't. i called for you - loudly, like i was lost in the forest, but you never heard. or didn't care. or i don't know. i wanted to give it to you once - many a time i would have, but you never came. never took it. never asked. so he ruined it. thanks.

~**~**~**~

If this silence is a reminder to me, I need not be reminded. If this pressure in my head is the absence of you, I need not be reminded. If the seasons that keep changing without you are a sign, don't wake me up tomorrow and maybe I'll be fine; there's never enough time to recuperate. The fallen house and broken doors, the empty hallways are no more, and if the sun will set upon this littered ground let it rise again somewhere else somehow. If you aren't turning back or coming home, or leaving me all alone, tell me now and I will know. But don't remind me it was so. I just wanted to be yours. And I wanted to recall those times we had so long ago. I wanted to watch the stars and wish on blue moons and count your battle scars. If letting this road be the last time I walk again is my folly, let me ere in my own way; it's my road, anyway. If by leaving behind this broken house with the doors that no longer open or close is my foolish choice in life, let me make it in the way I like. The sun is setting here. I am leaving out from here, and maybe God will let the sun rise somewhere else somehow. If you aren't coming home and holding me then leave me alone and I will be on my own. But don't you dare remind me that it's so. This silence is a pity, now I swear. I think that's something that you know, but I'm not so sure you care.

~**~**~**~

i was far too young and you were far too far away and we were all far along our way to see so far ahead we'd say that this is all the worst of ways to lead our lives in the worse ways to see the life we could have saved if lives we were able to save and maybe i will save the lives if i weren't too far away so far away to see ahead along this way i'm on that seems so wrong in this life i live.

Sunny Boy Keep the Key From Him

"You, Him and Him"

it's late and i'm wide awake thinkin of you
and thinkin of him
and thinkin of him
and i don't know
what am i doin now i don't know
it's all a mess inside my head
crowded thoughts are sinkin in
who will say what is comin down?
i don't know this time around
i'm thinkin of you and thinkin of him
and yes, thinkin of him, too
he's a fool, so are you
but i know you will never know
never know
how close i came to goin back to you
it's late and im wide awake thinkin of nothin
and i'm gonna sleep well thinkin of him
not you, nor him, but him
and i am not turnin round
pushin those thoughts back down
i don't wanna go there again now

7/1/10

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Box Without a Key"

You took it all away in a box
wrapped in red ribbon and a black cord
and sealed with a silver lock
and a brand on the side in your blood
I had given it all to you after I
fought so hard to retrieve it from him
and delivered it in a envelope sealed
with my farewell kiss
But you never are going to keep that box
it'll stay sealed up tight, satin tied and lined
containing pieces of me
I had fought for in my own blood
I'd gotten it from him for you
Never mind now it's locked away
Luckily, you don't have the key

7/1/10

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"My Sunny Boy"

My sunny boy you are the ray of light
this warm humid summertime
don't run away yet
The ones before were all metal armor shields
one was silver coated
and the other black
But you are like the summer sun with rays of light
and you are not a shield for me to try to get behind
No, you are all growth and warmth and feeling happy
and light
And they were metal, cold and steel, and waiting for
a fight
My sunny boy you are the setting sun for me
and the rising come each morning I awake to see
and I'm not sure where I'd be otherwise
The ones before were battle scarred and carrying their grief
hidden things behind their shields
But you are out here alive and free
You're just all growth and warmth and feeling happy
and light
And they're only metal, cold and steel, and waiting on
a fight
My sunny summer boy of joy
Don't you run away
And I'll stay a while beneath your light
and fear where I'd be otherwise

7/1/10

All by Elizabeth Azpurua

Summer Circus

Summer days in the
breeze, carted off in a
dream by fairies; the lightning bugs
like circus lights
and elephants thieves at the tent
take away your memories
come autumn time
and keep them like soldiers in
a fort
Lazy days of dreams gone by like
a mushroom hides from
the sky and you forget the warmth
and hide for a while;
a hidden thing in a costume;
I've fallen for the fake diamond
stolen by the elephants
caught in a dream by fairies which
battle lightning bugs in July,
and carry poems tucked inside
their fancy circus clothes
and steal away the
raspberries while the
stables close their doors
unable to pay rent
to the unicorn
My summer days spent in
the breeze wilst the flies
battle their memory thieves; the
elephants with their masks of
toucan feathers
And then come the stars and come the shine
like diamonds cut from the fake heart
sparkle forth above
and the lightning bugs seem benign
cart away my soul
to leave me here
blind
and then the fairies ride unicorns
towards the circus tent

By Elizabeth Azpurua on 6/25/09

Enough of Falling In Love This Way

"The Way I Love You"

Of all the times I've run, never have I run
so fast as I've ran towards you
Of all the times I've jumped, never have I jumped
so far as I've jumped towards you
Of all the times I've sung a song, never so loud
have I sung like I sing to you
Of all the times I've written words never have I wrote
such poetry as I write for you
And of all the ways I've spoken your name never do
I speak with such wonder as when speaking of you
Never have I loved in the way that I love you, nor will
I ever love another in the ways that I've loved you

6/29/10

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Enough"

It's not enough to
say that I'm content
and willing to sit here
nor wait a million breaths
until sharing with you
my own
It's not enough to
say I'm patient
and will always be right here
wishing a million wishes
to be sharing with you
my life
It's not enough to
say this is perfect
and I'll never move from here
and kiss a million kisses
trailing all over you
my love
Because it's not enough
and I need more

6/30/10

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Who Loves Falling?"

like falling into silence
and waiting on your wings
this momentary weightlessness
is a lie disguising things
it's telling you all will be fine
and the air will hold you tight
and come the morning you'll wake up
and the world will be alright
it's never speaking truth
about the breaking at the fall
when the bottom comes rushing fast
and no one hears your call
you'll never be told the painfulness
the hollow feeling that will ache
nor how the wings you thought you had
never grew from whispers fake
or how the ground is so far down
and the air will rush on by you
and when the light dims inside your eyes
you'll never wake to hear "I love you"

6/30/10

All by Elizabeth Azpurua

Fill The Silence Here With Joy

I miss your light and I miss your warmth
It's getting cold and I'm feeling hurt
These windows don't bring the sunshine in
Without you to send it
I miss your smile and I miss your words
It's quiet here and life's all a blur
The sky isn't the blue like your eyes are
And I can't replace my heart
So tell me what to do now?
Tell me how to cope?
I want to touch your fingertips
I'm feeling sorta' broke
So tell me what do I do now?
It's all lonely here, my sunny boy
Bring back my happy summer glow
And fill the silence here with joy
I miss your light and I miss your warmth
It's not the same and I'm getting worse
These windows just don't let in the light
Without you here with me
I miss your songs and I miss your words
I'm a wreck and I'm feeling hurt
There's not enough to smile about now
You were my sunny summer light
So tell me, tell me what to do?
Tell me how do I cope?
I want to kiss your pretty lips
Inside I'm feeling mainly broke
So tell me what do I do now?
I'm all lonely here, my sunny boy
Bring back my happy summer glow
And fill the silence here with joy

6/27/10

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Castaway Ribs

"Ribs"
you ran away with the breaking sunlight
and now you are chasing all our dreams
i thought tomorrow's rays would cloud over
but the space aches in between
my ribs
you dashed away towards the dawning daylight
and now you are stealing all our dreams
i thought the broken rays would be blown over
but the emptiness stings in between
my ribs
where my heart used to be
where my heart used to be
it is painful just where my heart had been
you ran away towards the dawn and daybreak
and somehow in sunlight live our dreams
i thought the morning sun would fade forever
but the absence erodes in between
my ribs


5/29/10

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;

"Castaway"

Stupid castaway
caught on a lonely isle
shoulda' been smart enough to swim away
stupid waitin' all the while
stupid castaway
where you gonna get a boat?
you shoulda' had the foresight for today
never heard a word i wrote
did you?
Now you're the stupid castaway

also by me - 6/26/10

Unnecessary Death Of Us

I can't stand this anymore

it's like a bloody tug-o-war

and unleashed upon my broken heart

this rain

I can't fight you anymore

or claim I've known who it's for

this tangled web is a woven mess

of pain

So just go away

I am turning the other way

Somewhere far from you

Where I can breathe without breathing for you

Where I can think without thinking of you

Where we can bleed without bleeding out

for death

Somewhere far from you

Where I can live without living for you

Where I can give my heart without holding you

Where I can jump without jumping down for you

to this death

I won't do this anymore

I am not your toy tossed on the floor

so let go of this broken mess and let me

get away

I can't hold you anymore

or think to myself it's been done before

I'm throwing the keys away and let me

runaway

I am leaving now, so goodbye

I turned away with one final cry

Going now, somewhere far from you

Where I can breathe without breathing for you

Where I can think without thinking of you

Where we can bleed without bleeding out

for death

Somewhere far from you

Where I can live without living for you

Where I can give my heart without holding you

Where I can jump without jumping down for you

to this death

This unnecessary death of us

I can't fight you off anymore

I am turning here to shut this door

and try to put me back together after all

this rain

I won't do this anymore

this stupid endless tug-o-war

I am pushing this all aside and letting it go

goodbye pain

And I'm sailing away

Getting so far away

Somewhere far from you

Where I can breathe without breathing for you

Where I can think without thinking of you

Where we can bleed without bleeding out

for death

Somewhere far from you

Where I can live without living for you

Where I can give my heart without holding you

Where I can jump without jumping down for you

to this death

This unnecessary death of us

Sorry, I won't let you be the death of us

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye now

By: Elizabeth Azpurua

...hear me?

hush, shut up and listen
what do you hear...now?
shut up and listen
do you hear me soft
or loud?
can you tell what i'm thinking
oh, tell me, can you hear me
can you now?
hush, shut up and listen
i won't say it loud
shut up and listen
is my voice softer still
a whisper in your ear?
shut up and listen
is it barely audible to you?
do you hear my cries, my joys
is my laughter through your soul?
can you hear me now...can you?
will you hear me out, will you?
hush, shut up and listen
to my calling
softly
softly
shut up and listen
as i scream your name loudly
tell me, tell me can you
can you hear me now?
oh, tell me now can you hear me?
do you know what i say,
do you know how i pray,
do you hear me?
will you hear...me
softly?
do you hear me...still?
hush
shut up and listen
can you hear me...
...
... still?
will you, will you hear me
will you, will you, will......
...you...



by yours truly
(pause each period for a heartbeat)

Boys beware.....

"The Girls Next Door"

on the eve of a nightmare they perform wearing pearls
and lace, a corset of satin, and hair caught up in curls
they dance to the sound of your sorrows and pain
with music to sing to that makes you insane
their faces like angels hide all their sins in a mask
they'll bend over backwards and do all that you ask
the price that you pay is red like fine silk
and flows out your heart and spills like it's milk
you thought they were magical creatures of joy
but discovered they use and discard you like a toy
their performance is lights flashing to entrance
quick, shut your eyes and don't follow that dance

by me

Magic and a Tragedy

tragic it seems now; not that it ever never seemed so, tragic that is
and magic it was once; not that you ever liked me so, with magic
and here lies my heart;
stone cold and old now it seems
never seemed another way though, did it?
and you never did understand it
sadness is all I know; not that I ever never knew happy, but so long
and precious was us once; not that it ever mattered to you, or will
and there goes my hope;
fell like a stone and dead it seems
never seemed another way to you I guessed it
and you'll never ever get it
but it's all poetry now
tragic; it's a tragedy now and so you never ever got another memory
quite like magic; never like we were once, all magic and a tragedy
and there lies my heart;
stitched, shuttered, and boarded up
feels sorta' dead to me now it seems
ever once it was another way wasn't it?
I'll just never understand it

by elizabeth azpurua on 6/12/10

Breathe the Air of Summer

hush, the scent of jasmine
and the air of summer wind
the balmy nighttime splendor
in the hallow of windows
follow the sky across your soul
open your arms wide here below
and breathe in the magic
and breathe in the magic
hush, the whirl of window fans
and fireflies battling the wind
the static charged summer air
is the constant present friend
follow the clouds across your soul
open your arms wide here below
and breathe in the magic
and breathe in the magic
it's summertime here
soak it in

by Elizabeth Azpurua

Is Hate a Color?

hailstorms
they are the wickedness of sorrow
the basic enemy we borrow
to leave shattered panes of glass
stained like the colors we hate
windowpanes
they fear the enemy like an avalanche
and wait for hope like happenstance
their folly in the stains upon their surface
stained with the colors they hate
the kaleidoscope
leaves the cathedral a marvel of glass
the floors covered in memories past
the faulty edges so jagged and used
stained in the colors of hate


By Elizabeth Azpurua 6/7/10

"You" Can Mean So Much, Not "You", but "You"

"Etched Forever"
chasing butterflies with no net
and battling cobwebs in the closet
startled by the truth
that makes pock marks in the wood floor
and leaves the remembrance
etched
forever
I am etched forever
fighting demons with a toothpick
and winning doubled over and sick
stranded by the truth
that made rivulets all across the walls
and leaves the remembrance
etched
forever
I am etched and I'll never
recover
from you
but you don't care, do you?


5/29/10

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Because of you......"

There may be happy days
and there may be sad
and sometimes I battle against both
for what I never had
but no matter the emotions
nor the feelings inside
you lift me with your voice
and I'm better by your side
It's the strength in your arms
and the smile on your face
your soft cotton shirts
and knowing I'm safe
I feel like flying, love
and feel like trying love
and feel like I'm in love
because of you, love
it's all better now today
because of you

Both by Elizabeth Azpurua

Let the Broken Heart Go

"Never Let Go"
i was sitting and dreaming of the day
and hoping, praying that it all would be OK
like a melody to the moon and a prayer to the sky
i was hoping that they'd see the reasons why
they are peas of the same pod and a dream nearly dreamt
an ocean of pontential by the sands of good intent
and i see them like the lightning to shoot across a cloud
and somewhere i am feeling like their music rings aloud
they are what i hoped for and dreamed just to see
a love to bloom inside them and to see them so happy
i have been waiting for the moment that they would know
and hope to God that they'll never let it go
never let that feeling go

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;

"Healing a Broken Heart"

Breaking, breaking down
and screaming to the mirror
someone shut it out
and turn off the lights
let all the memories go
and let the enemy escape
and tell the shadows they
aren't welcome today
He was all the emblems of love
and all the markings of pain
and she was hatred in a bottle
and a broomstick flying shame
and I was holding in my hands
the feeling of the blame
If the seasons were a changing force
all these scars would be undone
but no, no the time is slow and the
pain is just begun
Breaking, breaking down
and you scream at the walls
and someone shut it out
and turn off the lights
take the pillows home
and toss them out the doors
and never let the shadows
come get you


by Elizabeth Azpurua

Broken Merry-Go-Round

we all tap, tap, tap dance around the truth like a merry-go-round that's broken and doesn't know it yet
we find marvels in the inconsequential things and tedium in the marvelous
we are like fools stepping off the cliffs into the sea to be swallowed whole and unfulfilled
why capture moon beams and eyelashes and shooting stars in our hands when we simply wish to chuck them out into the universe?
i am finding music in the silence of cavernous moments where the words you should have spoken never left your lying lips
and i am finding poetry in the stupidity of life's choices made selfishly
and it all seems very wrong indeed
i am a rambling fool and tap, tap, tap dancing around the truth like i have become the broken children's ride
and who is to say what my end will be when i realize the wealth of knowledge i ignored all these years?
we all like fools wait for the moment where destiny collides with infinity and eternity just begins for us
and somehow we seek that pearl, that one no one ever put a price on
we collect lucky charms and good luck wishes and hope to God we fall into a love we never knew existed and when we realize it's not what we wanted we cry
if i find solace in your pain and amusement in your discomfort and music in your silence am i a horrible person?
if i spin around in glee on this broken merry-go-round am i also a fool?
and i wonder if i should mind that notion
for all the world is a stage and life is a journey but hell if i know where i'm at in this splendid affair
i think the sound of your voice is choking on the absence of truth
and we all tap, tap, tap dance around that soundless bounty
like fools in a magic show we believe in the illusions of the world your words created once
lovers are all foolish puppets in a game of reality in the vast world we created simply to chuck it into the universe with the emblems of our useless luck
and i never enjoyed so much the facts you never shared before because now i see the essence of what you never could have become
but it's ok sir
this ride is spinning fast

...by me