Friday, December 17, 2010

Dark Blue Light

"Blue Light Spring"

you were starlight, you were snowflakes
you were blossoms and blue eyes and earthquakes
you were blue lights drowning out the red that took my hope
you were a dancer and a dreamer and a newborn make-believer
and hope born upon the sun bursting into Spring
And every moment after was a magical journey
Dancing through the daylight like a dream
You drowned out almost everything
you were music, you were melodies
you were glitter and sparkles and daydreams
you were blue lights drowning out the red that took my hope
you were a dancer and a dreamer and a newborn make-believer
and somehow through it all you were like Spring


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"It Was Dark"

And it was dark, so very dark
and clouded inside my eyes
There wasn't but a pinprick
and that light was sure to die
I was wrestling in the corners
for forgiveness that ran away
trying to grab a hold of something
so I could remember the way
The way to let go
the way to move on
the way to breathe
But I was faltering...
And it was dark inside the car
and lights were in my eyes
And you let me speak it all out
I had never even tried
I'd been battling the cobwebs
trying to run the other way
But you had me lay it all out
Not knowing what I'd say
And I finally let go
and I moved on
and I could actually breathe
I'm so very grateful
So very thankful
For that gift that you gave me
No matter what may happen
What life may bring
I am lighter and better and happier you see
For it was dark, so very dark
But you helped me come back...
...back to me.


By Elizabeth Azpurua

Friday, December 10, 2010

Doors

Even though it has been years
I was holding open this door
Being that, it has been a decade or more
I'd think you'd be grateful


But somehow I suppose
This is not quite the intention
I would rather that I chose
To close these doors


Darling, if I could have shut you out
And thrown away all the keys
I would be living somewhere else
And not waiting here on my knees
but sweet lullabies are my solace
and these doors stay open here
So when you get tired, come on back home
and I'll be the fool waiting here


Slowly, I realize the problem
While I hold onto these doors
For all this time I held them for you
but one of them snuck through


No, it was not my intention
Nor was it his I suppose
He just walked right through the door
and wasn't the one that I chose


Darling, if I could have shut him out
and thrown away all these keys
I would be living as someone else
and perhaps happy I'd be
but sweet lullabies are my solace
and these doors stay open here
So when you get tired, come on back home
He is standing guard here


No it was not my intention
Nor the plan I had chose
He decided to stand by the door
As my guardian I suppose
Perhaps he wants me to close all these doors
and hand over the keys
So I will not sit waiting for you
wretched upon my knees


Darling, if I could have shut you out
he'd be in here with me
I'd be living with him now
Imagine me now happy
sweet lullabies as my solace
doors locked tight right here
So when we're tired and cozy at home
You can be watching us here
Darling, please know I'd not let you in
if I could just shut you out
It would be him, and only him
And perhaps I'd be happy now

by Elizabeth Azpurua 12/9/10

Monday, December 6, 2010

Stepping Stone

While I'm sifting through the mess and the rubble and the pain
You are out on the ledge playing all those silly games
Count the shots that you've had, line them up, stack them high
I will sort out all my past, present, future hopes and cry
They are snappin' pics, smiling free, stupid fools
I am labeling the endings and signing off for good
Call the idiots and sing them a song or two and say
This is the life that you wanted, you got it all the way

It's a lie I know
It's not all OK
Go ahead and try to pretend it
I am seeing right through this

I am here alone and lost the sunshine while you stole it away
Moved to a new home, better lifestyle, nothing more to say
Hold your loved ones close they seem to mean the world to you
I'm just a stepping stone that helped you get all the way through
Just a moment, just a phase, just someone to pass the time with
But that's OK, you can be another photo in these boxes

While I'm sorting through the years, through the wishes I have had
You are trying to be something that you aren't in a childish fad
Drink your vodka and see those stars, count the lights on the lamposts
I'll burn my dreams down, seal the envelopes and toss away the hopes
They are smiling and they're laughing and drivin' fast
It's all eggshells and lunatics and a broken past
In my rearview, in the mirror, outside of my windows here
But for you it's a haze of smoke and nothing is quite clear

It's all fine I'm sure
Pretend it's all OK
Go ahead and think you did it
I still see right through this

I am here alone and lost the sunshine while you stole it away
Moved to a new home, better lifestyle, nothing more to say
Hold your loved ones close they seem to mean the world to you
I'm just a stepping stone that helped you get all the way through
Just a moment, just a phase, just someone to pass the time with
But that's OK, you can be another photo in these boxes

You'll be a memory, just a thought, just a summer
Just a moment of a time I can remember
I'll be your stepping stone, the girl who helped you get there
And when I see your name and face on google I will not care

I am here alone and I'll make new sunshine for my brighter day
You can stay in your new flat and have a party there faraway
Hold all those people close who seem to mean the world to you
Just remember when they walk away who was the one there for you
Just a moment, just a phase, a stone you used to get ahead
And you'll be a photo in the box I'll store under the bed

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Never Lost

when you're sitting alone
and the world's viewed as cold
and you're holding onto the atmosphere
there were reasons in you
things you had held onto
moments given to you but discarded out of fear
somebody tried to put out your lights
and they took away all your rights
left you holding onto nothing but empty air
then they stole every dream
and broke your self esteem
teaching you that apathy was never fair
and you sit back alone and think
while your at the edge, on the brink
"maybe this world is not the place for me?"
and the windows turn grey
while the words that you'd say
die in your mouth filled with hopes you can't see
when you're sitting alone
and the world's viewed as cold
and you think you have nothing to hold to
just remember each night
a part of you shines so bright
but those dark ones just don't want it to
they would steal all your dreams
and then they would clip your wings
but they cannot turn you off
so if you're alone
and it's all cold
embrace yourself...you're never lost

by Elizabeth Azpurua

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Hope For Spring

holdin' on to this
like a dying rose
hope for Spring, blessed Spring
to come
make the world anew
like it's all brand new
and it's alive with life again
but why is it this pattern?
silly cycles that i hate
why must I go through it
like I'm stuck inside a maze?
holdin' on to this
like a dying rose
hope for Spring, blessed Spring
please come
and rain on me with life
and take away the strife
paint my world with alive again


11/28/10

by Elizabeth A.

Friday, November 26, 2010

I Would Have...

i would have chased the shadows away
just to bring you the sun in a box
open the lid and hold it close
and always have a smile inside
i would have made the memories go away
bring you the stars to keep by your bed
wish upon them each night and never
have to go to sleep worrying inside
i would have helped you scale the mountains
helped you sail every sea
i would have carried you over the hard times
and watched you while you dreamed
i would have gone above and beyond
just to see you smile every day
but nothing i say matters at all now
just words of a poem written here

By Elizabeth A.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

You Are Anchoring Me

He was a liar and a thief
The substance in the bottom of my grief
The collector of the memories I seek
to put away
and bury now
He was so foolish and so weak
The absence of the innocence I'd keep
The locator of the fears in me
to wall away
for years I was

But you are like an anchor I hold onto
Sometimes I cannot move
Sometimes I see my doom
But then when the stormy seas surround me
You hold me close and safe
I can ride out all the waves
You are anchoring me
For I'm adrift in this sea

He was a giver of promises in bed
A phantom in the shadows in my head
The maker of the futures I could see
Just to bury me
inside this grief
He was a warrior for an unknown risk
Like a collector of every single wish
Just to throw them all away
I was born to say
Just his name

He called me out to sea
I built this boat to be
only his, only his and his alone

But you became the anchor I hold onto
Sometimes I can hardly move
Sometimes I still fear my doom
But when the stormy seas surround me
You keep my close and safe
While I ride out the waves
You are anchoring me
Because I'm still adrift in this sea

Too many reasons for this bitter end
Lies and promises are now forgotten
They spoke in pretty words
Creating for me their worlds
and futures full of hopes to keep
I thought I had it made then
But ended in this ocean
Holding onto a boat of dying dreams
Like I'm floating away in silent screams
until you came...and anchored me

You are the anchor I hold onto
Even in the times I cannot move
Even though I may still fear my doom
When all the stormy seas surround me
I know you will keep me safe
Stay with me as I ride these waves
You are anchoring me
For I'm adrift in this sea
Please....stay with me

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Paper Sailboat Hopes

within the spaces between each heartbeat
the miles stretch ever more
and if I send out smoke signals
nobody will see the trail of hope
so I carry paper sailboats
and a bag of stones
and I send out a message
on the wings of hope
but the seasons just might pass by
and the winds of time may change
but the miles that keep on growing
remind me to stay the same
so I'll hum my little melody
and hold onto paper dreams
toss aside the bitter woes
and finally believe
there is something in this distance
and there are hopes carried far
inside my pocket is a sailboat
fragile just like my heart
but I'm sending out the message
upon the wings of hope
let the winds of time give it speed
to take it forward forever more

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Say One Word: Infinite

"Say"

it's hard to convey to you what you mean to me
harder still to find the words for these emotions
if I could tell you what you mean to me
would it change a thing?
would it mean a thing?
perhaps the sky will fall on me if I speak
perhaps the moon will forever hide
perhaps nothing at all will change anything
but I think I might try
to say
all these things I have no words to use
it's hard to tell you how infinite you are to me
harder still to paint for you the future I am holding to
but would you even hear me out and believe me?
can I change anything?
will my words mean a thing?
perhaps the world will lose humanity it I speak
perhaps the sun will forever dim her light
perhaps nothing at all will change anything
but I think I have to try
to say
something
Something profound will never leave my lips
Something brave, and strong, and sure won't ring a sound
It will be quiet, tentative and so full of fear
it's the entirety of the infinite I try to convey
and I know I have no words to use to get my point across
but if I don't
such a loss
I think I have to try
to say
everything
having no words to use


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"One Word"

oh, one word, one word
just one word
so much meaning to one little word
I have one, just one word
to describe you
with one word
only one
just one word
it's only one
if they knew, if they knew
who you are
they would also have one word
just one word
and we'd all describe you
with just one word
if they knew, if they knew, if they knew
I have one
one little wish
That the world will one day see
just what you are and came to be
just one word
that they would need
I have one, one word
just one, one little word
if you knew only one word
you would know
this one word
is
infinite

by Elizabeth Azpurua

Sunday, November 14, 2010

We Eat Bitter Things When in Pain

"Toadstool Flame"

acrid, wasted, wanton, lame
toadstool in the bitter flame
took the ashes towards the trees
left them to become the breeze
ancient, wooded, scarce explored
forgotten in the Yuletide lore
ate a potion to kill the pain
and die alone beneath the rain
bitter, vile and horrible to taste
toadstool fed to a fool in haste
burnt inside and all the way through
laying down by that sacred yew
alone, forgotten, pitiful pile of shame
burnt from within by the toadstool flame

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Winter's Song is Agony

"Winter Song"
ice cycles are walling up my soul, drenched in poison and coated in wrong
it's the season of longing and season of death
winter was always the deadliest song
and between the decay of forested hopes I lie in the aftermath of wanting
it's the forgotten inside me and desperate call
of my voice crying out now so haunting


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"Living in Agony"
you can take me off this pedestal
throw me to the ground
drown out my sound
you can shoot out my heart
and end all my dreams
and silence my screams
but I'm still living on
you can burn me at the stake
mock me for my belief
leave me needing relief
you can erase my legacy
end all I've made here
watch as I disappear
but I'm still living on
in agony

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Where Do You Find Home?

it's in the walls
in the furniture, the corners and the halls
inside the cabinets and boxes cluttered tall
all around us all
it's in the air
in the bedrooms, in the books, by the chair
inside the photo albums and pictures everywhere
every inch to spare
it's in the memories
in the echoes from the past and in the movies
inside captured moments from all the times we did see
all these things
it's in the reasons
each moment counted in the changing of the seasons
I am counting down the memories of why and how and what for
it's in all the ways I am holding onto this
and what I'm holding onto it for
it's in every thing I know
and I don't want to change
and I don't want to walk away
and I don't want to forget this place
why did it come to be this way?
it's in the doorways
in the safety of the cozy place we played
inside the rooms, the halls, the happy places
all these spaces
I'm holding on to it
and I don't want to forget
I'm holding on to this
collections of all I'd miss

by Elizabeth Azpurua

My Weary Heart Battles the Elements Without You

I can climb so high, and get so far
but suddenly the mountain I was scaling falls
caving in, I am falling down, losing it
and you're not around
and it's harder now
I was reaching, reaching, reaching towards the sun
it's been so long
You'd been the moon, the bluest moon of all
but now I'm too old to call you back
Come rain, come snow, come fire, and come the winds
My weary heart is destroyed over and over again
I can climb so high, and get so far
but the mountain no longer remains and I fall
caving in, I am falling down, losing it
and where are you?
Where are you?
I was reaching, reaching, reaching towards a sunny day
it's been so hard on me
You'd been the moon, with the shooting stars
but I'm too old to wish anymore and it's too hard
Come rain, come snow, the fire and the wind comes too
My weary heart battles the elements without you
And no matter the height I reach alone
You are nowhere now; where are you now?
I can climb so high, and get so very far
and always the mountain I scale will fall
Caving in I lose myself, I lose it all
and who will catch me as I fall?
No, not you at all.........
I was reaching, reaching, reaching towards the sun
it's been too long
You'd been the moon, bluest of them all
but now I'm too old to hold you up
Come rain, come snow, come fire and wind too
My weary heart battles the elements without you
And no matter how I fight or the height I gain
You aren't here at all
No one to see me fall
Bitterest truth of all
I was reaching, reaching, reaching towards a sunny day
it's been so hard on me
battling alone this way
I was reaching, reaching, reaching, reaching....
to fall


By Elizabeth Azpurua

Friday, November 5, 2010

Sleeping Beside Doom

He's the piper in the waters
leads you deeper as you go
like a serpent in the silence
you follow him below
and he ends you
drowning
She's the stalker in the forest
hunts you deeper as you go
like a creature in the stillness
you the prey will never know
when she ends you
dying
They're the enemies we hold to
sleep beside each night we need to
and curl around each morning
like fools we hold onto nothing
He's the whispers in the meadow
brushes kisses across your spine
a tempter he will beguile you
and cause you to lose your mind
once he ends you
deceiving
She's the glow behind your smile
makes the music you will dance to
and as you follow her away now
know that she is going to kill you
and once she kills you
bleeding
They're the enemies we hold to
sleep beside each night we need to
and curl around each morning
like fools we hold onto nothing
but doom
we are sleeping beside doom
and when we roll over in the morning
it's the dying...
...slowly one day at a time

by elizabeth azpurua

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Razor Blades For Dinner

"What's your poison of choice?
Where's the pleading in your voice?
Said you wanted more, didn't you?"
Why is the mirror mimicking this too?

My lips move in words I hate
Mockery staring back at me
"You said you wanted more, didn't you?"
Go back to waiting here for you


Drinking acid everyday
I made this the bitter way
I end with dinner every night
Taking bites with you

Cooking razor blades for dinner
Hope you brought the wine
Sing me to sleep later
With that haunted lullaby

"What's the liquid in your stillness?
Why so crimson in the dimness?"
Why is the mirror mimicking me?
Must this turn into a mockery?

Drinking acid everyday
I made this the bitter way
I end with dinner every night
Slowed by poison in my mind

Cooking razor blades for dinner
Hope you brought the wine
Sing me to sleep later
That stupid, haunted lullaby

"How do you cut the deepest now?
Swallow everything down"
And I'm pouring acid in the glass
Doing what you asked

Cooking razor blades for dinner
Hope you brought the wine
Tell that person in the mirror
Sing me that haunted lullaby



by Elizabeth Azpurua

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Elephant in the Center of the Room

Don't look ahead or behind or within
Don't look in the corners
Don't stare at it in the center of the room
It's not there

Don't feed it, don't play with it
Don't even think to try for it
Don't be foolish....
It's not standing there

And then we feed it lingerie
It becomes an intoxicated mess on the floor
We feed it suggestions, exceptions
and display it off the walls
but it's not...there at all

Don't paint it purple, or red or black
Don't try to move it aside
Don't walk beneath, just go around it
It's not there at all

Don't you dare give it a laugh
Don't give it back
Don't try to make it all make sense
Nothing is there at all

And then we feed it fishnet stockings
It flies high overhead off the walls and the bed
Living off suggestions, exceptions
glaring off the walls
but it's...not there at all, at all

So, don't look behind it, above it, beside it
Don't even think that it's there
Don't look in corners or under the rug
It's just not there

Don't feed it cookies and don't give it love
Don't wrap your arms around
and don't make it warm
It's not there at all
Standing about 13 feet tall

by elizabeth azpurua

Friday, October 22, 2010

Mercury

Mr. Jupiter, tell me the way of the universe
tell me the song of the stars
Mr. Jupiter
go away now you can't answer me these
Mr. Mercury, tell me the essence of the milky way
tell me all about the cosmic plagues and miles
and miles of matter and dust
Mr. Mercury
you always could answer me
Mr. Venus, tell me oh, tell me about saturn
tell me about dancing inside of patterns and silver
Mr. Venus, sing me a song
Mr. Venus
you're just doing this wrong
Mr. Mercury, tell me of orbits and trailing things
of stardust in comets and spinning rings and asteroids
tell me of the worlds
Mr. Mercury
you always could answer me


By Elizabeth Azpurua

Monday, October 18, 2010

...missing something great?

it's in the touch I do not have
the eyes I hardly ever see
the static when the world is hushed
and the frantic speeding inside me
it's in the way I see this world
when you're around and next to me
the moment when time seems to stop
and I feel your thoughts while I'm thinking
somebody ought to tell me what I'm missing
something cosmic, something great
in the absense of our thinking
I am assuming I'm too late
it's in the movement of your limbs
the smile I rarely get to see
the echo of our thoughts colliding battle front
the frantic speeding inside me
it's in the way I know the world
when you're showing me what there is to see
and every time the hourglass changes
I know I'm still missing something
somebody tell me what my eyes just can settle on
something cosmic, something great
perhaps I'm right, or perhaps I'm wrong
But am I just too late?
I might be too late...
...missing...
something great

by me

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Your New Home

I'm horrible sometimes
Unwilling, unwise
Unable to focus on the course
You are dependable and strong
I'm running the other way
and I tell you to just get out of my face

If they want you so bad they can adopt you
Bring you home, like a puppy
or a brand new shoe
If they want you so bad the can keep you
I'll leave the door wide open
come on in
and I'll go away

I am incorrigible they say
Impatient and precise
Constantly picking at the strings
You are a mastermind of charm
Fully able to carry on
so go ahead and take my burdens away

If they want you so bad they can just adopt you
Bring you home like a cute puppy
or a brand new shoe
If they want you so bad they can keep you
I'll leave the door here open
come right in
and I'll run away

I might be flighty, I might be foolish
I might get nasty and testy and churlish
I might be feisty and you are steady
I'm impatient and you're on the ready
but I don't care
back off from me
and find another place to be
If they like you so much let them come and keep you
I'll be running off now not wearing any kind of shoe
'cause I don't need you
No, I don't need you

So, if they want you so bad let them adopt you
Little puppy, bring you home, too
vibrant and colorful new shoe
If they want you so much I'll let them keep you
The door is open
Come right on in
and I'll just go away

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Fighting For Home

there was an angry avalanche and it was uncommon
whilst we fought back the torrents and I am broken
there was no need for all the stress of this battle
and I won't let it go
I can't give up
I am fighting for the home that I've known
and I am holding to the one that I wish to hold
and you can pull me back from these walls
take away my shield and sword
but never shall I let it go
no I shall not let this go
there was an evil tidal wave and it was omnipotent
while we were running in the sands holding innocence
there was no need for all the anger in this battle
but I'll never let it go
I can't give up
I am fighting for the home I've always held to
and I am holding to the one I wish will be true
and you can pull me back from this battlements
take away the shield and sword
but never shall I let it go
no I shall not let this go
I am fighting for home until the end I know
I am fighting for the home I wish to hold
and I can't give this up
or let it go
oh no...I won't
because fighting for a home is all I know
there was a torrential hurricane so uncommon
we rode out the waves inside our boat now broken
there was no need for all the hurt within this battle
but we never let it go
Or gave up
We all fought for the home we've always held to
and I am holding to the one I still want to become true
and no one can take me from inside these safe walls
or take me shield and sword
assuming I will let it go
I won't, I won't let go
and I never gave up, no
We will not let it go
and we won't ever give it all up
because fighting for home is all...
...we can do

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Taken By You to the Sea of the Universe

"Taken By You"

months are counted, days are numbered
all these words have part of you
every space of hope is taken
every part is filled with you
not a second goes by wasted
every breath contains a thought of you
if I could regain the lost time
it'd return fine, but full of you
moments gathered, memories treasured
all these times spent with you
every smile is somewhere counted
by the memories held of you
and not an ounce of me is untouched
for it's all because of you
and everything is where I'll hope to be
when I'm standing next to you
I'll keep this going strong
every space of hope is taken by you

10/12/10

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"Sea of the Universe"

he tries to spread the doubt
and pull the heart strings
cause the hating, the anger, the hurt
and all the remorse
he tries to wear me thin
and pushes and pulls
and breaks in; from anger, hurt
and worse
if I could push him away forever
I'd toss him into the sea of the universe
he'd never try to change my thoughts of you
or what I know is true
I know it's true
he is trying now, trying now
spreading the doubt around
he is hoping now, he is hoping now
he'll wear me down
and I'll not stick around
but no, no, no I will break free
I will be free from all this doubt and worse
there'll be no anger, hurt or remorse
I am not regretting you
I am not forgetting you
he is trying now, trying now, trying now
spreading dread and fear around
he wants to bring me down
pull me down
wear me out until I'm breaking down
but I wish I could make him go away
toss him into the sea of the universe
I won't let him change my thoughts of you
or what I know is true
I know it's true
I'm not regretting you, nor forgetting you
never letting go of you
he won't bring me down
or wear me out
anymore

10/12/10

by me