Grey Duct Tape Robot

"Not a Robot"

We all grasp for a quality of rightness
A sense of belonging
And importance
Meaning and depth
We seek grace and power
All vying for position at the top
To be honored by our peers
Not me-
I want solitary expounding of thoughts
Crashes of intellect
Imaginative journeys
No sense of belonging
To a form or a product
I am not a robot

9/28/14

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"Grey"

I color the world around me in grey
why? because I can I say
I needn't be a sunny shade or such
because I like the grey so much
I like the foggy morning misty days
and like the storm clouds billowing
I like the dingy, darkening haze
and like the wind that's whistling
I am a stormy soul of grey
not a sunny sort of shade
I color all the world around me so
because grey is all that I know

by Elizabeth Azpurua

5/29/14

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"Duct Tape"

This world is a troublesome one
Not sure how we got along so far
It wasn't from numbers or wishing on stars
or from fallen eyelashes, I assure you
Must have been blood, sweat and tears
duct tape and glue
A hope, a prayer, and I got by with you

Elizabeth Azpurua

Walking Circles

endless is the circle I am walking
tired of repeating all this talking
like I can change how you are

no body knows the pains I'm feeling
tired of pretending I am healing
I don't want to be what you are

I want to be able to walk away from all of this
and stop the walk that makes my fists
reach skyward high
Circles I had been walking became how I exist
to throw up my arms and my fists
shouting skyward high
I hate this

endless was the days I was repeating
tired to the core where hope was fleeting
like I could change the way you were

no body knew the depth of my needing
tired of the ache and the words I was reading
like I could make you forget her

I want to be able to walk away from all of this
and stop the walk that makes my fists
reach skyward high
Circles I had been walking became how I exist
to throw up my arms and my fists
shouting skyward high
I hate this

I forgave you and I still loved you
I wanted only the best for you
but you hate you and you won't love you
and how can I show that to you?

endless is the way that loves is taking
tired in my bones and my soul aching
I cannot change the way I hurt

I want to be able to walk away from all of this
and stop the walk that makes my fists
reach skyward high
Circles I hated walking and how I did exist
throwing up my arms and my fists
shouting skyward high
I hated it
I hate this

by Elizabeth Azpurua

The Bottom

scrape the bottom
for a crumb
to symbolize some forgotten luck
find nothing but your nails
you scraped trying not to give up
you had reached the end of your rope and tied a knot
and found your arms were stronger than you thought
but at the bottom you slowly let go
and searched about for something to show
....you why

kick the dust
in your defeat
like the bottom is a place of no relief
your nails are bleeding from scrambling
trying to find some type of peace
you had reached the end of your rope and tied a knot
and found your arms were stronger than you thought
but at the bottom you slowly let go
and searched the ground for something that could show
a reason why
you let go

nothing is left you feel
and nothing feels quite real
the rope is a sad reminder you let go
and the bottom won't let you heal
there's not a crumb nor a scrap of hope
and you're convinced somehow you've broke
but soon you realize and see
the bottom shall set you free

feel the bottom
you're not numb
nor have you run out of luck
look above you; look below
there's no way down, just go back up
at the end of your rope there's a knot
that proved to you strength you'd forgot
now you climb back up, there's nothing else to do
but to keep on going with one thing left to prove
you go on
you are strong
you are able to climb with stronger arms this time
you go on
you are strong
and when you reach the top you'll find
that sometimes our greatest lessons are learned
only after we feel like we are done
'cause when there's nothing left and we face the end
we realize that's where we begin

by Elizabeth Azpurua

7/20/13

Reaching You in a Tree

"Reaching Out"

My knowledge comes from the edge of my hands
these fingers, not plans
my learning
where beauty and prose
meet purpose; I chose
to learn through reaching
out my hand
to know
the world

5/20/13

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"Cardinal in my Tree"

There was this sight that I did see

Inside the leaves of the willow tree

A flash of red, what else could it be

But a cardinal in my favorite tree?

With feathers of red to catch my eye

And remind me of hopes from by and by

That little bird in my favorite tree

I should like to paint in ink on me

Inside the leaves of the willow tree

To remind me of hope for you and me 

5/13/13

 

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"Be You"

give them a reason to stare
they'll stare anyway
give them a reason to talk
they'll talk anyway
they'll waste their time behind your back
so give them a reason so they won't lack
with things to say
and ways to pray
for your troubled soul they marked as such
and said you have gotten out of touch
and said you have fallen down a hole
and they all pray for your damned soul
give them a reason to stare
they will always stare away
give them a reason to talk
they'll waste time talking all day
but don't you worry your heart now
be who you are now

5/1/13

By: Elizabeth Azpurua


 

This Shall Pass

Who played with your symmetry
robbed you of poetry
and took all the remnants of hope
but I'll build you a canopy
to cover your apathy
and wait at the end of this rope
for this to pass
let this pass
like a storm driven across these shores
Who played with your empathy
cast off your ecstasy
and took all of your hope
but I'll rebuild your energy
to form your elegy
and tie a knot in this rope
for this shall pass
this too shall pass
like a storm that leaves these shores

Little Light

dirty rags on her feet
and a troubled crease in her brow
with sand stuck behind her ears
waiting for hope not knowing how
she carries a bow on her back
and her arrows are made of bone
and she stands waiting on ships
still lost out at sea all alone
and she holds the little lamp higher
for the lighthouse fell long ago
and her arm is so very tired
and she fears the light she'll let go
and the sea just churns on ever more
while her feet are numb and cold
and the waves play tricks on her eyes
while she waits there growing old
with her sable strands in the wind
and rocks deep in her skirt
she waits with one little oil lamp
and a heart heavy with hurt
so she holds the light ever higher
for the lighthouse fell long ago
and her arm though so tired
still won't let her little light go

by: elizabeth azpurua

Salt Water and Hope

Her spine outlines her frame
in stark contrast to the food on her plate
She nibbles at the food as if it will
poison her
My stomach aches in hunger
in response to the food on her plate
I salivate wishing I could taste it
for her
Her gaunt frame tells me she
doesn't trust enough to eat
My aching body confirms
the reason I need meat
but I have salt water and hope
to satisfy my hunger
and she has a wasted feast
not getting younger
I would take that entire plate
and savor every bite
Yet to her, she can pick in
disdain; it's not right
When she leaves the table
and the bounty before her is wasted
I fall to the floor
If I were even able
I'd have eaten what she never tasted
to fill my poor
body more than salt water and hope

by elizabeth azpurua

Living Mind

"Get Back to Living"

No remedy in sight for this, but broken shambles in my fists
You're insecure and I am afraid
What we have isn't so safe

There's ions of time to spend on this and I am incapable of it
The times I made inside my bed
I unraveled in dread

So take my weary heart and make it beat again
and break open my deep shut eyes
So I will see again
and wither away my walls I built to keep them out
and take me over the edges
and break me out
I am waiting to get back to living
but this trying not to is debilitating

No reason for my battle waged against the world of hope
I was insecure and I was afraid
for where was love ever safe?

There's mountains out of my molehills and I can't cope
What does a girl like me feel
when nothing feels real?

So take my weary heart and make it beat again
and break open my deep shut eyes
So I will see again
and wither away my walls I built to keep them out
and take me over the edges
and break me out
I am waiting to get back to living
but this trying not to is debilitating

I just want to breathe and I want to leave
and I want to scrub off my harder edges
and erase the stains and break off the chains
and tear down these unwelcoming ledges

You're insecure and I'm afraid
What we have isn't so safe
but I want to try to try to live again
because not trying is not working, and
Take my weary heart and make it beat again
and break open my deep shut eyes
So I will see again
and wither away my walls I built to keep them out
and take me over the edges
and break me out
I am waiting to get back to living
but this trying not to is debilitating

by elizabeth azpurua

10/6/12

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"My Mind"

I know my thoughts are not your thoughts
and my mind plays different tunes
My dreams have been unraveling
and I wonder often if yours do
I know my days don't go like yours
and there are ways to make this better
My time is spent differently than you
and I think perhaps if you could ever
see things the way I do
maybe you'd know why I think like I do
I know my memories are not the same as yours
and my mind is a maze of metaphors
My dreams are nightmarish and complex
and I know you don't care what they're for
But if you could live like I live just for a day
You might understand the tune my mind plays
And if you could wake up and in this bed of mine
Perhaps you'd understand the ways of my mind

10/4/12

Pennies and Moons

Am I the waveless sea?
A starless night, oh yes, that's me
A wounded bird without wings
this has always, always been me

I spent my pennies in a well
and I would count the moons as well
and hope for a blue moon
I'd wish on times and fallen lashes and hope and pray
but faith passes
and I am hopeless

Am I the waveless sea?
A starless night, oh yes, that's me
A wounded bird without wings
this has always been me, always me

I found you wounded and alone
I was alone for a long time, too
but here I'd found you
I hoped for happiness and to find a way and I realized today
my faith passes
and I am hopeless

Am I the waveless sea?
A starless night, oh yes, that's me
A wounded bird without wings
this has always been me
I am wishing on moons
and planting pennies inside water
hoping to grow some hope
but I am hopeless

I am like a waveless sea
A starless night, it's always me
A bird without any wings
Always, always, always me
I have wished upon blue moons
and found, I found you
But pennies will not save me now
I am hopeless

The Red Bird Costume

I have tied red ribbons around these wrists of mine
and I have draped my body in red feathers fine
I have worn a mask made of paper sail boat remnants
from a sunken ship of hope hanging on in fragments
I have walked waterlogged and soggy after dark
with broken shoes through a forgotten foggy park
where my little feathers fell beneath an old swing
like a scarlet songbird had stopped there to sing
I have gazed at the moon and felt melancholy woe
where glinting off the barren ground atop the snow
lay the echoes of my costume in a shredded crimson pile
of feathers and ribbons and a mask of crumpled style
I have dripped mascara into a bright red sash
and thrown away paper wings right into the trash
I have screamed at the sequins and glitter on the ground
with an alarming, sad, and most dreadful sound
I have left a trail of red all along that cheerful place
like a morbid bird died there wearing a paper face
I have torn off the ribbons once tied in bows on my wrists
and smashed apart a paper mask with my angry fists
where not a trace of once loved boats remained in the mess
to tell the tale of hope and what the mask could express
I have shredded the feathers like a panther shreds its prey
and I have left a glitter trail in crimson all along the way
I have walked across the park to a river with frozen toes
dragging one last remnant of the symbol of my woes
I have tossed the scarlet dress into the river bitter and cold
and stood with shivering bones like one now deathly old
and I have turned from the water and walked in freezing skin
towards a silver garbage can to see what might lie within
I have found a ruined jacket with patches and with holes
that reminded me of myself and all my hopeless roles
I have walked away long after dark wearing just a coat
grasping a crumpled piece of paper that had once been a boat
leaving behind a park that seemed a grave for red songbirds
telling a story of a broken heart without any words

8/4/12

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Tragic is the Dreamer Who Dies

Errors mar my pretty face and I believe without a trace my dreams will seep out of my mattress each night
There will be not a sliver of hope inside of my leather quiver of woes and nothing can shoot me back to home
I will harbor the enemy of me which happens to be the only thing I can fear at all which has always been illusions
I might wake from restless sleep and stare me down in a mirror and realize I'm doomed and realized I am confused
I will cry these hopeless eyes out and not understand what it's about and look at myself and see there is nothing left
I will carry the weight of distant dreams like mountains bursting at seams echoes reminding of things I failed at
I will drift to and fro in sea of despair and slide under these walls and not know how to care and when I wake up
I won't see me anymore, no I won't see me.........but a tragedy

Rock Bottom Dawn and Death Shoulders

"Little Deaths"

I don't know why we struggle as we do with broken hearts
Or why we carry the weight of past pains on our backs
but I know why we leave behind pieces and parts
and why there are deep stains in our tracks
For within each ache and hurt is a death of our soul
and we lose something we never gain back
with each little death there is left a small hole
a memory showing us what we now lack

7/24/12

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"Bony Shoulders"

Her pale skin is not like alabaster, but more like plaster
or sun bleached earth
it seems quite pasty and flaky and speaks of death
Her bony shoulders and frail frame beguile
for she's an evil Dame
Her spirit is not one, but two, and each hold arrows
and each subdue
She walks along and drags a chain
the chain is made of bones unnamed, and from her wrists
she has the lives of many fallen to her lies
but as she goes, her pieces fall
and leave a trail of death
and she alone knows each by name
they no longer have life for breath
Her eyes are cold, her heart is green, her essence only that of mean
and when you see her
look away
for she will come back again for you someday


7/23/12


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"Rock Bottom"


wrap the chain around my ankle
and wrap the rope about my wrist
tape my eyes closed forever
and rip my soul out with your fist
bury me beneath the lost dreams of my illusions
drown me in the broken moments of confusions
and end me and my all
and watch me as I fall
into rock bottom


sew my lips together with twine
and cement my feet to fall into the sea
change my name and what I am
and erase the traces of what was me
bury me beneath the lost dreams of my illusions
drown me in the broken moments of confusions
take me, take it all
and erase me as I fall
back into rock bottom


it's so stark and empty
and full of nothing new
a silence oh, so deadly
without a hopeful view
I will not break free from these chains
nor erase the past of pains
I cannot stand up
if you end me
with rock bottom


6/29/12


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"Blame the Dawn"


I crawled over the ground, glass strewn around
while the sky
was breaking down
there was a sea inside of me
and a pitiful aching
and there was the dawn that came and took the night away
and you sailed away
and left me waiting
as I bled I turned to hating
like the poison ate at me
There was no hope but broken shards
and breaking hearts
and the morning sun
and I hated that my wishing stars had fled and run
You sailed away on a trip towards the distant light
and I alone with bleeding knees
learned my plight
I crawled away that fateful day and learned to hate
and let that part of me go, away the poison ate, and so
I have known something of the loss of hope
My wishing stars are now all gone
I blame the dawn
I blame the dawn




7/23/12

Feather Home

I rode the seven horses beneath your raging sea
and named myself an albatross, a sea bird just like thee
I marveled at the waves and how they foam beneath the sky
and learned the whispers of the dolphins as they raced on by
I carried in my feather home the pieces of the way
that I learned to love the light as it broke each day
I traversed the winding roads that led to your cave
and named all my fears I conquered - I was brave
I mastered stealth and improvising as I learned to sing
and unto thee I have the greatest poems to bring
I carried in my feather home the pieces of the way
that I learned to love the light as it broke each day
and along my journey through the dark I have learned
that as long as I carry hope inside it has always burned
I am fragile in my feather home with pieces of the way
I truly love the light when it rises each new day
I will sing the song of the sea bird and watch the cresting waves
I will walk alone the winding road and number all false caves
I will ride seven hundred wild horses just to show
the only thing inside I really ever will know
I am fragile in my feather home with pieces of the way
that I learned to love the light as it broke each new day

by Elizabeth Azpurua

Hope

package it in green
mail it in a box
plaster it on the walls of my future home
carry it in a bouquet to hand to me
and the smell will cheer my soul
gather it in ribbons and wind it through my hair
place it on my pillow every night
sing it in a song and write it in a book
and send it to me on stormy days
graft it in my trees
and plant it in my soil
spray it across my window panes
bury it beneath my doorstep
and curl it in my hair
and make it in a picture frame and hang it here
laugh it in my ear
and smile it in my face
kiss it on my mouth
and cook it for me to taste
take it on a trip and send it in a post card
and if you mail it mail it with a heart
give it to me in a sign on my road
leave it on a note under my door
bring it in a birthday gift
or just because you can
write it on my window
or write it in the sand
carry it on you and wrap it 'round my shoulders
and bake it inside pies
and pour it like a wine and
when it gets hard just bring it if you can
seal it in an envelope and leave it in my box
but just make sure I get it soon
I am perishing without it

by: me

I Like Feathers

"Held Together by Feathers"

Tease me into warmer waters and guide me to the sea
follow me in paper boats
and bring my home to me
Carried in lights across the sky
and remind me who I am
in feathers and recreations
of a forgotten land
Lead me into the stillness of the woods and hold me there
and play the sound of nature
and tell me that you care
Carried in songs from birds through the trees
remind me of life and love
and everything I need
in the moment you see me help me hold myself together
in memories and moments
and dove feathers
I am yours
I am yours
Take me into warmer nights and dance with me slowly
glide along the starlight
and make wishes with me
Carried in lights across the sky
and remind me who I am
in feathers and recreations
of a forgotten land
Lead me to the meadow by the sea out on the cliff there
and whisper the sound of the wind
and hold the hope in the air
Carried in the sound of the waves below me
remind me of life and love
and everything I need
in the moment you hold me help me put myself back together
in memories and moments
and dove feathers
I am yours
Forever yours

4/26/12

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"I Like it So"

i like your hands
and the way they move
across my body
inside me smooth
i like your hands
and the veins beneath
the way your fingers
sink in me
i like your hands for more than this
but this i want the most
and so it goes
i like it so
i like your eyes
the way they look at me
and stare me down
undoing thoroughly
i like your eyes
the color changes for me
capturing emotions
and the way you're feeling
i like your eyes for more than this
but this i need the most
and so it goes
i like it so
i like your smile
when you light up the room
and it captures me
chases away the gloom
i like your smile
and the way you look so fine
i like your smile
when your smile is mine
i like your smile for more than this
but this i enjoy the most
and so it goes
i like it so
i love your laugh
i love the way my soul sings
i love your laugh
the joy it always brings
i love your laugh for more than this
but love this the most
because it goes
like so......


4/15/12

How I Adore You

You're the pinnacle of my desire for love
the culmination of struggle and anguish
In you I found rebirth
I was set free from the captivity of foolish loving
and born again in despair
I have tasted the essence of the Atonement in you
and languished in hope and fought to keep it
There is not a fibre in me that does not love you
You are the Northern Star to which I set my life towards
How great the capacity I have acquired for love
I have been reborn in a new type of beauty
It is rare and stricken in grief and longing
You're the absolution
the astounding miracle of life
You teach me of love and hope and freedom and forgiveness
and you are barely here at all
How much more could you change me if you were always at my side?
I should think I would burn into a star
to which other hope filled lovers set their sites on
If I ever knew anything at all of love, it was erased in you
and reborn into freedom
How I adore you, there are no words, but the solemn whisperings of my soul
These things, these things you do not know
My lips cannot utter how very profound your presence in my life has become
If ever I erred, it was in not loving you sooner

Built Sleep

"Sleep"

Rest your head by the sea
Sleep, oh sleep away from me
Near the city of Angels
Rest your weary head
and dream
Come tomorrow dawn the day with hope and laughter
Come tomorrow brighter, better and here after
We will look back upon these days
and know how much has changed
for the better
Rest those eyes
Sleep and please realize
As you're near the great Pacific
Rest your weary head
near the ocean tides
Come tomorrow dawn the day with hope and laughter
Come tomorrow, brighter, better for here after
We can look back upon these days
and know all that has changed
for the better
So, sleep, sleep, sleep and enjoy dreams
I will sleep here near mountain streams
You near the grandest of oceans, rest your eyes
I will sleep away from you but I realize
Come tomorrow dawns a new day with hope and laughter
Tomorrow will be brighter and better for here after
We will look back upon all these days
and know how much has changed
and it's better


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"Built"

I was built to listen and to think
You might have been built to make me sink
You might have been built to break down my walls
You might have been built to drown out my calls
But I was built to stand with a light
You were built with brilliant eyes for sight
So use your eyes and if you would like to follow me
I was built to be a beacon and placed by your sea
You were built to carry the weight in your vessel
You were built with troubles for you to wrestle
I was built to say I'm here to be your guide
You were built to last and I'm still on your side
I was built to listen and I'm lonely
I was built to shine and sometimes to sing
You might have been built to try to break me apart
But you were built to make me try harder to use my heart
I was built to say all that is true
You were built for bravery in what you do
I was built to be a guide right here
Built strong and steady with a purpose clear