Black Throne

I was a kaleidoscope of empathy
Put me under a microscope of apathy
Take away my reasons why
Shut my mind to close my eyes
Your judgements harsh and bitter now
Take my improvements and blur them out
I was sitting in that well; from the bottom where I fell
You pulled me out to tell me how I was a fool
Now I try to make amends
But who am I to pretend?
There isn't any love left here
So go back to your lonely sphere
You left me like an attic toy
You took away my life and joy
And after all these bitter fears
I am counting up all these tears
In an infinite amount I'll see
Just what you had meant to me
I rode a black throne for you
Tried to rule that home with you
So use all your logic here
And tell me so it becomes clear
You never wanted to hold me tight
You only wanted me wound up, right?
I will be free and I will stand tall
In my epiphany I will know it all
Take your silver throne
And leave my one true home
I will remain outside alone
Free to finally roam

6/17//11

Ruled by Logic

Sometimes I feel my voice is radio static to your ears
it's nonsense garbled within the wind
my words are thoughtless and tossed to and  fro
my purpose still unknown
I`m a carbon based lifeform ruled by logic, seeking perfect, and finding faults
I`m a dreamer needing reasons but finding dead ends...
and when I sort it out I might just be an echo on the wind
A problem never solved, riddle that was hard and an investigation of the heart
I will fill the silence with letters and speak in complicated terms
so these thoughtless words will die on my tongue in the air
When I figure it all out I will be invincible and free
and not chained to logical conclusions or meanings boxed and labeled
I will be like the bird who takes flight not needing to understand why it is that it can fly

Killer Doll is Hurting Me

"Who's Fault is it For Hurting?"

You're a shotgun in the dark
that I never see coming
at me
left with holes and scars
Who's fault is this
for hurting?
So you mock me now?
And you poke my eyes out
and you leave me to die on the ground
Who's fault is it for my hurting?
So why is it blamed on me?
You're a stormcloud on my beach of hope
that lightening strike will get me
and I never see it coming
at me
So you end me in a whirl of flames
and you poke at my scorched skin
Well who's fault is it that I'm hurting?
Then why do I get blamed for it?

5/25/11

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Killer Doll"

Charade, with a knife, and coller
of lace, and pearls, and ribbons
Curls and lipstick and a smile on your face
you stick the knife into me
I was besotted by your beauty
I had thought you were a doll
So, you smile, Charade, in your lace and pearls
and with a knife
you kill me

5/25/11

Bleed Honesty

I wanna bleed honesty
I wanna mop the floor with me
I wanna let you see what is here
like I painted it out to read
I wanna bleed honesty
Don't hold back, here's what it'll be
It may not makes sense at first
but you better listen of course

I got miles and mounds and murals
I got piles and pounds and hurtles
I got missions and reasons and problems
and I don't got the time
I got seconds for hours and nothing
I cannot complete a damn thing
So don't get all up tight
I'm just out of time

I wanna bleed honesty
Let the words leave out of me
I want to scream them until you hear
or write them so you'll read
I wanna bleed honesty
I gotta get away from me
Let it out here on this floor to learn
you better listen and be warned

I am tired...tired...tired of being kind
I am tired...tired...tired and I ain't fine
So, shut up, shut out, and go on by

I got miles and mounds and murals
I got piles and pounds and hurtles
I got missions and reasons and problems
and I don't got the time
I got seconds for hours and nothing
I cannot complete a damn thing
So don't get all up tight
I'm just out of time


I shoulda' bled out long ago
I should of let all of you people know
Your selfishness adds to my wounds
And I'm not going through
I shoulda' bled out long ago
I don't know but I need you to know
I don't have time for your problems
I got my own

I got miles and miles to go
I got mounds of things I don't know
I got murals of dreams not coming true
I got piles of troubles I can't get through
I got pounds of hurts and heartache
I got hurtles that make my back break
I got missions to do for the weary
I got reasons that seem too blury
And my problems mount so high
so I just don't have the time

I wanna bleed honesty
So here me now and let this be
I can't give anymore
This is not worth fighting for

By Elizabeth Azpurua
5/25/11

Unforgiven Pollution Killed You

"The Pollution"

Acrid and unforgiving
it's choking
it's ending
it's spilling over the edges
gone beyond ledges
and leaped over hedges
and crept through these walls
and died

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Killed You"

I poisoned you
slowly
I opened you
with razors and ice
I wrapped you in webs and fed you to spiders
and when you screamed
I closed my eyes
I shattered you
quickly
like a vase on the table
I looked at a shard
contemplating the past and let it fall
I let it fall hard

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Unforgiven"

I'm like the erupting volcanoes of Iceland
I blow, the ash settles and no planes can fly
I am like the flood waters that threaten
I wash away hopes and watch as they die
I am like the earthquakes that shake you
I often find buildings scattered and fallen
I'm like the tsunami that took away their world
I may never be loved nor be forgiven

Kept Away From the Trees

She wakes each day
pulls herself together
Smears the happy across her skin
and puts her peices together
She goes by and smiles along
carries the tune to a song
He is elsewhere doing his work
not ever writing his wrong
He had promised, promised, promised
He had promised to be
there by her side when she needed him there
but he didn't stop her, did he?
She was driving, driving so fast
trees seemed to be a perfect end
Was he there to tell her "no"
No, he was not there to mend
So, now who stopped her from such a thing?
Who was the savior for her?
It was a ruddy boy who knew not
but what he offered her
Happiness, he offered a dream
so she held onto that
and he delivered oh, such a thing
but she could not know what she had
For she wakes each day
pulls her self upright
struggles to just wake up
and go for the light
And she goes by day after day
holding that memory
that kept her away
from the trees
from the trees
So play the song, play the tune, play it long
Play that melody to keep you strong
Happiness is but a dream away
a memory
of that October day

By Elizabeth Azpurua 5/14/11

I am Happiness

I'm a fading sun

like a dying day

The weeping willow

and the lonely bay

I'm a little vessel

adrift at sea

I'm the lonely hilltop

and the silent breeze

I am just a will o' the wisp

you always try to follow

I disappear before you reach me

And if you should try to capture me, you won't

I'm never fully here at all

I'm that shooting star

you never see

Whether near or far

you cannot find me

I am the illusive creature

of the deep

That one treasure sought for

you'll never keep

I am like a little vessel

adrift at sea

I am a spider's thread

you cannot see

But still you come for me...

I'm still the will o' the wisp

you try to follow

I'll disappear before you reach me

And if you try to capture me, you won't

I'm never fully here at all

I'm the mountain tall

you cannot climb

I am the bridge to cross

you cannot find

I am the dragonfly

you'll never ride

and the weeping willow

where I hide

Like the fading sun

I'm the dying day

A lonely hill

or a lonely bay

I'm that dream you never seem to have

And yet you keep on trying to

But I'm the will o' the wisp

you shouldn't follow

I like to disappear before you reach me

And I'll never, ever let you catch me

For I'm never fully here at all

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Holding Happiness like Only You Can

"Only You Can"

only you can say
my name
and still my soul with
the letters spelled
out
only you can keep
silent
and break my soul with
the words you
withheld
only you can know
my pain
and make my day with
words that cheer me
up
only you can say
my name
and make me ache
to know why you say
it such as
you do

5/7/11

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Hold happiness in my palms
Hold it close
Safe from harm
Keep it locked up
Locked up inside
I don't want to hide, but I don't want to lose it
Gonna treasure it
Hold it safe like a delicate
vase
No breaking, falling, no shattering
my happy
I am quietly marveling at it
Keep the doors here locked
keep it safe from harm
I don't want to have to sound this alarm
I have grasped it close
and held it so
I don't want to let this happiness go

5/2/11

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Wondersome

cream
moonlight alabaster
on this quilt here after
i shall recall every freckle
sweetest hallelujahs
called from what's between us
never forget this 'wondersome'
i feel you like i never felt another
i see you like i never saw before
i hear you in a way i never heard you speak
and i love you in a way that makes us weak
tempt
tease me slowly down
roll me out over this ground
name ever mole, ever dimple
call my name like a song
nothing about it is wrong
never, never forget this 'wondersome'
i feel you in the depths you'll discover
see you in a way i never have before
i will remember every moment imprinted on my skin
cherish your essence, your loving, my sweetest sin

5/2/11

...hopeless.

I can't bear the thought, the thought, the thought of you running beyond
I can't seem to stand the fact that you may hold another in your arms
Give me a reason to hold onto you, a reason to fight a bit more
Give me a reason not to crash; I'm not sure I know what I'm fighting for
I might be fighting for a dream
I did for so long, and so long I bled
and you, you undid me
Give me a reason to hope.....
a reason to wake and to breathe each day
I've lost me reason to fight, they took my fight from me
I can't stand it any longer.......and I can barely think
Give me a sign, a gesture, a measure of time
Give me a string, a thread of hope and please, oh please...
don't leave me here to drown
I cannot bear it now...
I have lost my strength and my reasoning
and I have only this
this never ending stream of words
my tongue is bleeding the agony of my soul
and I am hopeless




4/26/11

Stillness in Her Soul

she seeks refuge in the water
seeks a stillness in her soul
she is breaking and going under
for so long hasn't been whole
they had all mocked her weakness
pointed fingers at her lonely frame
she would cower in the corners
they won't even recall her name
leave her be and let her grow up
let her find her way on her own
she has battled her demons so long
and inside how much she's grown
she seeks refuge by the shoreline
seeks a stillness in her heart
she is waiting on her one ship
the better half of her, the other part
they had mocked her and her wishes
they had made her scream and cry
but she is stronger now on her own
and has a new reason to try

by: me

Rock Bottom

you can try so hard and yet you fail
your shoulders sometimes just wont be enough
you can try so hard but they wont care
and no matter what you aren't enough


you push and pull
and you break down
I've been there
I've held the ground
I saw rock bottom
5 years ago
I'll have you know
I'll have you know
I made it through


you can try so hard and not succeed
I've been down that road a time or two
you are not always everything
but I know just what you're going through


you will bend then break
and end up going down
I've been there
and bled on the ground
I knew rock bottom
5 years ago
I reached the end
I'll have you know
I made it though


I got so far to reach the edge of sanity
I broke down and the world crashed from beneath these feet
There was nothing left at all in the world for me
So I kept going......
Without knowing


you can try so hard, but still you fail
your shoulders won't be so tough
you can try so hard but they wont care
and in the end you're not enough


so push and pull
and then break down
I've been there
kissing the ground
I knew rock bottom
5 years ago
I reached my ending
but, I'll have you know
Yes, I'll have you know
I made it through


4/29/11


By Elizabeth Azpurua

Scorched Woods

"Scorched Skin"

This skin
it itches
this new form, it chafes and it tightens
and I am unable to shake the frightening feeling
that I am trapped
and unable to be freed
So I burn down this house
to get out, to get out
leave with scorched skin
I crawl away from the remains
the ash and fallen debris
but I'm finally free
and yet, the world burns on behind me

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


"The Woods"

Hello, piperfly
hello wonderbird
Good day to you, peace-bringer
Dance away now piperfly
and go back to your enchanted wood
give me wonderbird and leave
Hello, peace-bringer
How is the day?
Wonderbird said you'd be on your way
But peace-bringer cries
"wonderbird has died
and piperfly has flown away
So, where to now? Where to then?
Where is hope and where is mend?
While we are all faltering here
I am wondering what comes again"
Hello, blue light fly
how was your day?
Peace-bringer said you'd be on your way
But she is gone, gone for good
for piperfly flew off to the woods
and I had told her to dance away
but it killed wonderbird
when she left
So now, blue light fly
where will you go?
And you reply,
"oh I don't know"
And now peace-bringer is not herself
but you can try to help
Hello, piperfly
how was your sojourn?
Wonderbird is so broken
Peace-bringer has died for him too
Now, what shall we do?
Go on, go back to your enchanted wood
I will raise wonderbird
I'll plant peace-maker again
and blue light fly be on the mend
Oh, how, oh, how this all sings
the craziest songs of wounded things
they all have cried, we've broken wings
but I do not mend all of these things

You Never Came

i have been crawling here for you
scraping bottom here for you
begging the skies for you
but you never came
did you?
i have been falling into holes
and growing an abyss
and letting my life end in it for you
i have been traversing endless rooms
and never can i get back to you
you never came
did you?
how many tears must i cry?
in how many ways do you wish i will die?
when i reach the end again, who will be there then?
i have fought and fought to break free
for 5 years crawling on these knees
and you never came
did you?
so, screw you and your promise to me
screw the years, the hopes, the need
screw all the mountains i had climbed for you
all the memories tied to you
and everything you said was true
you never came
did you?
and now i am at this ledge
and there is nothing to hold me
and nothing to save me
but me
and you'll never come
will you?
i'll be my own hero again
and i'll crawl back again and when, oh when i see
the edge of my sanity
i'll speak your name
and say
you never came


4/26/11

Razor Lips

"Razor"

oh, little silver, little satin, little glee
like a shining little miniature thing
you are keen, fine edged and swift
and i know you become the poison in this fist
i see the smear where it leads it back
like a map, like a map
carved out your initials on the inside of your soul
and try to think of what makes you whole
it's erasing the need, the want, the hole
the echo left inside your empty soul
like a map, like a map
i swear i won't take it back
it's the edge of the poison in my fist
surely honed, keen edged and swift
like a shining little miniature thing
oh, little silver, little satin, little glee

4/25/11

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Lips"

soft
at the edge, like clouds
sweet like plums
and pink
gentle
they move so softly now
softer than thumbs
i think
gentle
and when they touch yours it's like
the world comes to life
like crashing of the waves
and the beginning of time
like the bang they say started it all
and made mountains rise and fall
over it all
it was earth shaking and relentless
in pursuit of just one thing
to return
soft
and whispering

4/26/11

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Survived the Flames

You were flaming, burning me on down
I was scorched until I couldn't make a sound
She came like lighting straight after me
I was her beacon, all that she could see
We were waiting on the world to change
I might have made it a place for the strange
She wanted pacifiers and bunnies
I wanted carrion carrying disease
I got my world in ashes here
Made me a bed out of atmosphere
Created a garland of bones for my hearth
and she wanted lollipops and a purple scarf
We cried out wonder; we cried out pain
We shoved at each other all to get the gain
You were the cause of this battle raging on
All 'cause you decided to burn me long gone
I survived you to face another woe
She has become my one and only foe
I should have burned into a crimson gem
You could have kept me caged in that pen
I would have been your cabochon of truth
Stayed with you through it all just like Ruth
But you remind me as I stand in ashes here
I wanted a world made of atmosphere
I wanted vultures to bring me home each night
She wanted sugar plums and sweet delights
We were like magnets pushing out the way
I was the winner standing here today
You might have scorched me inside of your flames
But I number bones and I know their names
I am the lone survivor on this hill
Come now my flames and wait until
I hold you captive inside of this home
Warming my dinner never quite alone

4/25/11

Too Late at the Edge For You Bringing Spring

"To Me You They'll Bring"

If I take a moment
to imagine you
I see a street sign
and a sky of blue
I see it marked west and leading
but where to?
but where to?
I follow roads, paths, and pointed signs
I follow maps, and feelings, and lines
I never quite get back to you
Lover, where have you gone to?
I shall take a moment to imagine you
I see your smile, hear your laugh, see your eyes
I see the way I was happy in happier times
I am holding to the image, like it's scarred upon me
Star crossed lovers we were, but what shall we be?
This world is pulling
This world is cold
This world too confusing
while I'm growing old
I shall send out a signal to the heavens this Spring
and I shall hope to me you they'll bring

4/20/11

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


"The Edge of Strong"

September, you were golds, you were summer colors fading away
bringing in the month of golden waves and ruddy tree lines
It was fun, so very fun, while it lasted
But it ended........again
Come the cooler month where we give thanks, I was feeling like
I might crumble
Seeing dirt, dark, and rubble
Then, yes, December came
I was nearly done
So close to being done
I could not feel that warmth and cheer
There was nothing to hold to
The new year was so cold, it was like I'd never know happiness again
Boarded up and snowed in
Winter has seemed so long
I know now the edge of where I'm strong
but Spring, bless you Spring
Bloom for me in hope and happiness
like promises
Bloom, bloom for me in greens
I am needing the promise of happier things
It's been too long
It's been so long
and I've reached the edge of strong

4/20/11
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"10 Months Too Late"


Today...I woke in a mess and I was broken
too much stress, words unspoken
I'm so battle scarred
full of glares for my reflection
And while, while I drove too fast on these winding roads
Trees and houses passed me by blurring, oh
I realized one thing I never thought of before now
When I fell in love with you it was summertime, it's true
And I was seeing someone else then, someone fast and high and Mr. Fine
But he made me see you in a different light
Oh, but it was later I gained sight to finally see what was in front of me
And realized then that I loved you
But, oh but, oh but, I was 10 months too late dicovering
And there was nothing I could do, there was no recovering
Today...I discovered so much honesty, bleeding out of me
and I'm waking up to know where I have been
All the images blurred passed me fast, all the memories of the past
and I realized I'd loved you for so long, so very long
It took me 10 months to realize this and I think it's so wrong, I should have known
And then another 11 months to tell you so
Yes, I'm an oblivious fool, yes, I'm a riduculous fool
But today I discovered all of this....
...so tell me why, oh tell me why...
Why did it take me 10 months to realize?


4/19/11

All By Elizabeth Azpurua

We're Done Now, Bird

"Guess This One Is Called Done"

I've been digging my own grave
I'm almost nearly done
I've been tied up as your slave
Bound to the things never done
I can barely even breathe
I know that I am almost done
My death is slowly nearing
Then it'll all be over and done
So very done
I've been laid out in this hole
Now I'm over and I'm done
You hold my heart and my soul
Destroyed both now it's done
So here is my death for you
Hold the guilt now that it's done
Nothing left to hold onto
Over and done, over and done

4/18/11

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Fanciful Bird"

I spin inside the darkness and the shadows and the cold
It's hard to get out of bed
You were the thing that got me through the dark times
a happy little emotional head upon your shoulders
you would smile and light up my world
Where did you go? Where have you ran away to?
Was my dark and dreary world too much for you, my fanciful bird?
I was swallowing the fears, the doubts, the losses
and you were walking the streets to fame
how I'd uphold your name....but no, you walked away
into the horizon of the happy ones and when you wake each
day you spring right out of bed
I spin inside my darkness and my shadows in the cold
and I can't get out of my bed
I can't get out of my head
You were the only thing that made my world all bright and new
and I was giddy, and high, and happy and light
and I'm nothing of the sort without you
Where did you run away to?
I'm sorry my world was to dreary for you, my fanciful bird
I should have known it would be too dark for you

4/18/11

Pounding

Stuck inside this music
The sound is drowning me
Like I'm choking on it
I can barely hardly breathe
It gets so deep, it gets so thick
It gets so hard, and I'm left sick
It's pounding in my head
The sound reminds I'm not dead
It's pounding in my head
The sounds of before playing again and again
Memories flood and drown me down
Melodies I cannot get around
Memories pound and they pound
And I'm through here in the sound
It gets so deep, it gets so thick
It's relentless and leaving me sick
Between my ears is a war of melodies
All the chaos of these memories
Pounding inside of me


4/10/11

Birds Are Singing Your Name

Inside the sun, beneath the clouds
I want to scream your name out loud
Tell all the birds of your sweet face
And how you fell from outer space
How you have graced us with your essence
And the world had then received a present
I'll tell them all to sing of your name
And how nothing will be the same
If you should leave they'll sing a mourning song
And they'll say that surely something went wrong
For the sunlight contained your smile
And all the magic bottle up a while
Burst forth in Spring to wake the world and set it right
And without you there would be no pearly moonlight
You made the world a place of majesty
When you graced us with your beauty
I'll have the birds sing forever of you
Singing you're the most beautiful they knew

Nothing Happy Here, Move Along Now Flightless Bird

ledges are for stopping
not for the jumping I do from them
and arms are for grabbing
not for trying to fly with them
legs are for running
they aren't landing gear
and we're meant for falling
that's what we should fear

4/8/11


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

if i attempt breathing with this
weight on me
i might sink my soul like an
anchor in the sea
i might forever remain in the
darkest of places
where there is no glory
nor smiling faces
if i attempt to continue like this
i won't realize i'll never be his

4/8/11


::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

why don't you just tear my heart
out and eat it right
in front of
me?
then maybe I will realize my death
was always what you
sought when you
looked right
through
me


4/8/11