I miss a lot lately....

"I Miss it All"

I miss those mornings, crisp and early
and the dew
I miss the green grass and the autumn leaves
and I miss you
I miss the smells of breakfast cooking
and the smell of pages turning
and the sounds of birds chirping
and the feel of kitty fur
I miss the laughter and I recall
all the tears and how they'd fall
I miss the drive and I miss the road
I miss the way it winded and wove
I miss the puddles, creeks, and all the scenes
like the clouds and blooming flowers of spring
I miss the summer heat and whirling fans
I miss the smell of horses and hay
I miss it all
It all, it all, it all
What more can I say?
I miss the youthfulness and the learning
the music, I'm still yearning
I miss the cardinals and the hummingbirds
I miss it all, have you heard?
I miss the rain how it fell like a waterfall
I miss the snow how it came like a wonderland
I miss the dogs and I miss the cat''s call
I miss the warmth and I don't understand
I miss those times and I don't know why they've gone
Did I do something wrong?
I miss the way I smiled and the way I let go
I missed the stories and how I'd always know
I guess at times life must change it seems
Why did it change at all?
I miss it all, it all, it all
I do, indeed

Why Didn't You Come?

I am cold and it's quiet and the sound is my own
I am missing all the reasons I could name off
The reasons to keep your blue eyes in my mind
But all those reasons slowly, slowly die
You should have came
Why didn't you come?
There's so much pain
and look what's been done
You should have been here long ago
And I waited, and waited, oh
You should have came
Why didn't you come?
I don't think this can be undone
I am alone and it's quiet and it's chilly
I am sitting humming my own song
Everything that used to keep you in my dreams
it has up and left and I don't think of these things
You didn't come
You should have came
Look what's been done
So much pain
You should have been here long ago
And I waited, and waited, oh
You didn't come
You should have came
And I don't recall your name
I see blue eyes I see nothing
I am forgetting it all
You should have come sooner you see
because I'm losing it all
I am cold and alone and it's quiet in here
Thinking of why I am without you
You didn't come
You should have came
Look what's been done
it's such a shame

I Miss You

Yesterday, I had a story to tell
come today, I had two more
I have all these things bursting out from me
but I can't tell you
You don't need me to

You got your own days and your own ways
Your own problems and solutions
You got your own stories you can tell
I cannot tell mine well

So, I go on trying, but I'm failing sometimes
I want to tell you little things that are on my mind
But I let them go...
Because I know
you don't need them
Even though
I want to show
that I'm missing

I am missing you, no matter, no matter
what I do
I am missing you with eyes wide open
I am missing you when I sleep and when I dream
I just want to talk
but I can't speak

Yesterday, there was something I meant to say
but come the time it seemed to have slipped my mind
I have all these moments I would like to share
but I don't tell you
you don't need me to

You go through your days different from my ways
Dealing with problems with new solutions
You got your own stories and you share them well
but mine, I rarely ever tell

So, I go on smile on my face and tell you the funny things
but only the big, important ones do I ever bother repeating
I let the others go...
Because I know
you don't want them
Even though
I need to show
that I'm missing

I am missing you, no matter, no matter
what I do
I am missing you with eyes wide open
I am missing you when I sleep and when I dream
I just want to talk
but I can't speak
No, I can't speak

So, I try to hide the fact that I miss you
I try to share the only things you want me to
But all these little silly things that come to mind
they get forgotten for all of time

Yesterday, I had a dream of you
I didn't share it
it wasn't important
Yesterday, I heard from you
You seem happy
I'm glad you're happy
Yesterday, I had a horrible day
But I didn't tell you
You didn't need me to
Yesterday, I couldn't write stories
this is not like me
but I am missing

I am missing you, no matter, no matter
what I do
I am missing you with eyes wide open
I am missing you when I sleep and when I dream
I just want to talk to you
but I can't speak to you
No, I can't speak to you
but I miss you

By Elizabeth Azpurua

Do you see me when I see you? This is a bad game of Hide-and-Seek

"Hide-and-Seek Gone Wrong"

one, two, three
you count, i count
we seem to dance around this now
you know i know i know you know i do
i see inside your world and you see mine, too
so if you think that i play hide and seek
you are wrong i'm not counting so you'll peek
one, two, three
you count, i count down
until you can't count again when i close your mouth
i will wait behind the tree
and you won't see
you won't see me
one, two, three
you counted and found me
one, two, three
but i won.

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"I See You"

Bloody hands and a filthy stained dress
did you hide the shovel?
You wish to silence and oppress
and bend him over
Still the innocent or kill them
and silence all the cries
and burn down the signs pointing to your lies

But I see you, and I see right through
I know what you do and did and can do
I see you, and I'll still see through
I know what you play and why you're untrue

Dirty hands and a painted plastic mask
do you sneak through the halls?
You think you can burn all who ask
and stop your fall
Silence the accusers or ruin them
and break their reputations down
and blur out the words and end it all, you clown
captivate them with your trickery

But I see you and I see right through
I know what you do and did and can do
I see you, and I'll still see right through
I know what you play and why you're untrue

So go ahead and leave your trail behind
and hide and hide and hide
I see it all with my seeing eyes
Break he who points you out and I'll know
I'll know what you're about and it'll show
I see it all with my seeing eyes
and you cannot hide behind your lies

I see you and I see right through
Knowing what you do and did and can still do
I see you and will always see through
I know the games you play are all untrue

By elizabeth azpurua

And Winter Came

And winter came with a cold wind
and broke my heart three times again
I am fallen down into this darkened place
oh, how you kill my soul
I feel my hope go away
and gone........
And winter came and brought a song

With falling snow I lose my self
and try so hard to grow from you
You don't want me, what can I do?
Why am I not good enough for you?

And winter came and brought disease
this shadowed thing that follows me
This thing to kill called heartache
a broken heart is my mistake

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
I shall not recover from what has been done
I know with this changing of seasons to cold
I shall wither and wander with bones of old

And winter came and came so wrong
and with it brought this eery song
And winter came and came it did
and with it came a cold, cold wind

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
for what may be and what may come
I know with this new dawning day
is colder still and more come this way

Oh, winter came and brought with it
three times broken heart to bits
and broke me down to this darkened place
oh, how, how you kill my soul
I feel my hope is gone away
and gone......
and winter came and brought this song

With falling snow I'll bury myself
and try to break off from you
You don't want me, what else shall I do?
Oh, I am not good enough for you

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
for my soul, my soul is so very done
And winter came and brought this deathly wind
a broken heart, broken three times again

12/24/11

Turtle Dove Singing of a Hopeless Love

Partridge in the pear tree, tell me, tell me
Where has Cardinal gone?
Will he come back soon, I wonder?
Will his sojourn be long?
Sometimes birds have to fly away during winter
Maybe this place is too cold?
Will you wait here with me, Partridge?
I need someone to hold
I am just a turtle dove, waiting on the rain
but I fear the snow will come before I can say
"Spring is a new day, hello, hello Spring"
but I can't sing that welcoming song when the snow is on the way
Perhaps, I'll sing alone
Perhaps you'll leave me too
Cardinal has gone far away
and I don't know what to do
I have a nest to keep and I have a song to sing
the mourning song of wintertime
I am just a turtle dove singing of a hopeless love
and you're stuck in that pear tree
Do you, do you think it'll be OK come spring?
Do you, do you think I'll have a welcoming song to sing?
I am hoping for the rain...but there's snow on the way
Partridge, my feathered friend, how shall we weather on?
I am still singing a forgotten lonesome song
Do you think Cardinal will return to these trees?
I am hoping winter will somehow soon leave
I am just a turtle dove singing of a hopeless love
and you're just a partridge in a tree
Cardinal is a striking bird and he's flown from you and me
But maybe he'll return once I sing to welcome spring

by Elizabeth Azpurua

Christmas Poems

"The Reason"

'Tis the season to be jolly
with garlands and with holly
with boughs of evergreen and the smell of cinnamon
You ring in the new year with the ending of a season
a season in which we all give
It's the music and the laughter
the joys and the here after
the tales you tell of Christmas past
It's the giving of the season and the knowing what's the reason
It's not Mr. Saint Nicholas himself
No, not that jolly old elf
It's a baby born so long ago
in a stable that we'll never know
Oh, so humble in the starting
to carry such a following
and though it was not around yuletide
we still celebrate it at this time
It's become a day for sharing and merry making
A day for love and for joy
It's not boxes of shiny wrappings or toys or silly gifts
Oh, it is far, far more than all of this
We all celebrate for different reasons and hold to our unique traditions
We all hold onto our inner child
So, be happy and be merry and wish tidings of great joy
for the birth of a Savior, a sweet innocent young boy


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"Christmas Wish"

I wish each Christmas for the same thing
Have I found it ever beneath the tree?
No, it's a magical thing never wrapped
and once you find it there's no turning back
Christmas, oh Christmas, I wish every time
and hold in my heart visions of the divine
Since I was little I wanted one thing
but it's never found beneath the tree
It won't be presented in ribbons or bows
and it's coming, well, no one knows
Christmas, oh Christmas, you come once a year
perhaps this time, my wish shall be clear

By Elizabeth Azpurua

My Song

City sounds drown me out
The whirring fans are too loud
The cars that are rushing by
they drown out my soul's cry

And still a soft sound I hear
Somewhere beyond my ears
I can barely make out the song that is mine
It is being overpowered by other lines

I hear the sound, I hear the melody
of what is real, of what is me
I almost know, I almost find
the words to sing for this song of mine
If only I could recall
the place I'd hear my call
and all the words I cannot know
I'd remember how they flow

Engines roar and people yell
Every voice has something to tell
All the lights carry a faint hum
and there goes my silent drum

Of what was me, what I'd march to
A battle hymn of what I can do
But all this time I feel the sound leave
Where are the words to what I believe?

I hear the sound, I hear the melody
of what is real, of what is me
I almost know, I almost find
the words to sing for this song of mine
If only I could recall
the place I'd hear my call
and all the words I cannot know
I'd remember how they flow

And I would sing the song of my destiny
The words created only for me
The path laid out in a melody
a tune to march to, my own beat

But all the world is a raucous noise
People screaming and rowdy girls and boys
I shall not hear my song this way
So I wander far, far, faraway

I hear the sound, I hear the melody
of what is real, of what is me
And how I'll know, and how I'll find
the words to sing for this song of mine
In quiet expanse I shall recall
Inside of nature I'll hear this call
and all the words I'll now know
and remember how they flow
My song of life and of destiny
The path laid out only for me
Inside the stillness of towering trees
The words to my song return to me

By: Elizabeth Azpurua

Floor

I was branded, marked and scarred
I was handed hell inside a jar
My innocence had fled beneath a moon
My blurry eyes sought you in the gloom
And you changed my whole outlook
And you changed everything I partook of
You became the reason I am healing
and then you dropped me from the ceiling to the floor

I was broken, bruised and left alone
I made of a broken house my home
My errors were plain for you to see them
But you soon helped me attain freedom
You changed my entire perception of life
You changed my whole reason to try
You became the reason I reach to the top
and it was all OK until you let me drop to the floor

But you came and you lifted me back up
I was bitter, hurt and sore, but you helped me out
I learned from you what to forgive meant
and my love became heaven sent

I am jaded, fabricated and a fool
And for you I've broken every rule
You open up these tired eyes and I see hope
You broaden my horizon with a better sense of scope
And you change the world I can see
You change it all and you create a better me
And you lift me up and you take me so high
This time you let me know you won't let me die on the floor
No, not any more


9/3/11

Falling In Love is Like War Raged by Dragons

It was caged, and barred and boarded up
and chained away
and you set it free
with your creation
and it burst into flames, vibrant and encompassing
and suddenly descending
from my home in those clouds
and like wars raged by dragons
spinning, downward like eagles
fiery and burning
in powder, ash, and the cosmic chemical that erases sense
this force inside flashes through skies of azure
delving deeper, seeping through my being
this endless, eternal flight spiralling down
like dragons coupling in the sky
the descent is fiery, like powder and ash
the remnants mark the fall of my heart
and the beginning of erasing my reason
in flames and my fall from the heavens
this fiery, burning
like a war of dragons
consumes as I near bottom
this thing called
"falling in love"
leaves me scorched
like powder and ash
and my descent becomes my grave
in this fiery ending

Leave the Coins Here

"Counting Coins"

I can't help the fact that
I feel like I'm last
on your list
I feel sometimes as though
I do not exist
You keep counting coins here
like they pile up
with meanings
but maybe you
have
the wrong currency
I can't help the fact that
I feel slightly used
by you at times
I get the feeling you take for granted
my honest lines
You keep counting out those coins
and they won't add up
with meaning
perhaps you have the wrong coins?
I wish you would let them be
but the choice is not
up to me
So I never quite am the first
always feeling hurt
not added up

11/21/11

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"Come Here"

Come here boy, I gotta' say, I don't know what to do
I been waiting here all along
waiting here on you
I been here and I been there, I been all around
But you got my tongue tied where I can't make a sound
I see far and I see wide and I see in between
But I can't see exactly what this all should mean
I keep waitin' for who knows what
and I won't let it go
I been wanting you so much and God only knows
I keep askin' for a dream and I can't make you see
I been standing here alone, standing here I'll be
Come here boy, I must say, I really want to be
somehow the only one that you'd like to need
I wanna be your lover not just your friend
but standing here and waitin' is bound to be my end
Take my hand and tell me so
Tell me we can try
For the better part of nothing is how I waste my time
Come here boy, come here now
and tell me it's OK
for I'm waitin' here and I can't stand to wait another day


11/17/11


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"Leave"

I can't speak
it's why there are these words here
to hold my emotions
and keep them sheltered here
I can't communicate
I've been told I'm terrible
Horrible
the worst yet
I make them miserable
and they all leave
Will you leave?
I make them want to leave it all
Will you leave also?
I can't breathe
when I try to say what you mean to me here
I can't breathe
and that's why I exist right here
I am a tongue tied fool
Quite terrible and unforgivable
Horrible
the worst it seems
I make them hate it all
and they all leave
Will you go too?
I make them miss it all
and they go by
Will you go by, too?
I wish I could tell you
How much I love you
but words fail me
and come out in poorly written poems
So, they sit here
holding my ability to speak and breathe
holding my ability to communicate anything
and holding all my hopes that you won't leave

11/22/11

Dancing Still

Perfect, I am not perfect
What are you seeking?
Why isn't it me?
Graceful, is not who I am
I don't understand
what you planned
to do with me
So, tell me what is this all about?
I am not your ideal, I know
Tell me why are we dancing still
when the music is over
and the weather's cold?
Perfect, I am not perfect
What are you needing?
Is it not me?
Grateful, oh, how I am careful
to tell you how wonderful
you are to me
So, hold me, hold me regardless
I know I am not your ideal
And listen, listen, the music is over
But we're dancing still
And we're dancing still


11/12/11

Write About Powerful Volcanic Love

"Give Them a Reason to Write"

Darling, I do believe we're chasing our own dreams
I believe we are startled
when we come across each other's eyes
the shadows die
and we're done for
I see in you a reflection of myself
I seen in you a perfection of your self
I see in us a reason for people to write love poems
So, darling, tell me when our dreams will meet

Darling, I know you're holding onto your seems
Left torn asunder
when she left you broken hearted there
all alone
and let down
I see in you a reflection of my past
I see in you all that has come to pass
I know they'll see in us reasons to write love songs
So, tell me darling, when do we write our own?

11/12/11

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"Volcanic Love"

I desire you, like fire, brimstone
and rain
coated in acid
I want you to consume
I want to be consumed
by you
I desire to be owned, controlled
take over
I want to be erased but left
only with you
I desire you like volcanic eruptions
destroy me
Consume me
I want to be eaten up by your love
Consumed by your entirety
I want to be swallowed up in all that ends me
I desire you like the fire, brimstone
and scorching flames
upon me
Take me now
Take me now
Burn my slow all the way down
I need you like I never needed anything
Consume me
consume me
like it's my ending
Just take all of me here
and I'll become one with you

11/12/11

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"Powerful"

porcelain
sweet
soft and delicate
i never was
this
no
i am ironclad
impenetrable
and harsh
and
cold
it's in your hands
this power
to undo me
and
erase
my walls
it's in your breath
this essence
to control me
and
stop
my heart
i was like
the ice
i was like
the steel
i was like
the cold
barren
ground
and your hands
they touched
they felt
the delved
and i
found
my
weakest
place
where i become
like melting
sunlight
spilling
gentle
delicate
and free
yet so powerful
the way
you make
me
breathe


By Elizabeth Azpurua

Winds of Change

The winds of change are blowing through and everything is taking on a different hue
What once filled me full of glad is leaving me somewhat sad
The place I set aside for hope is left with a dangling rope
and the eyes I wished to see each day seem farther and farther and farther away
Oh, what will come within this breeze?
A softer, gentler, kind of ease?
Or shall I toil and fight for gain and battle harsh and bitter rain?
I fear my soul is floating on to a fresh and greener lawn
where on that other side I'll see the things that were meant for me
Yet, here is but a dangling rope where once had been a place of hope
Here is sorrow covering glad and smothering me in 'always sad'
I wish to find a happier place
and perhaps a happier face
I hope these winds of change bring peace
Oh, what will come within this breeze?


by: me

Hill

Call me stupid
Call me a fool
Call me hurtful
Call me cruel
I am running and running still
but not away anymore
I am seeking a hill

Call me evil
Call me cold
Call me strange
Call me old
I am looking and looking still
but not at you
I must find that hill

Say what you will
Deny what you'll never say
Cross out my heart
I care neither way
I am born again in seeking
and seeking is for keeps
I am looking for that castle
the one that never sleeps
Lay aside all your pointed fingers
and your laughing and your tears
I never meant any harm
Searching all these years

Call me crazy
Call me sad
Call me useless
Call me mad
but don't get in my way
as I keep on keeping on
until that blissful day
when I'm home again
Home again
Somewhere
Just around this bend
and right over this hill

11/5/11

She's the Devil

She's a viper in the nest
a poison for your mouth
a sealed lipped kiss
and a ticket way down south
Her bosom is a mirage
sent to lead you to your doom
and inside her coffin says
"Here lies your tomb"
She's a master of disguise
and her words are shaped like stones
bruised upon your body
and building up her thrones
Set atop her high chair
she shall watch you fall asleep
into a deathly nightmare
where her madness you will reap
She's a nasty little devil
and a demon plays her song
when she wakes up each morning
the evils follow her along
Her echo chases for you
and chokes your withering ears
left scarred from her whippings
you have born the marks for years
She's a bottomless well to fall through
She's an electric coated fence
She's a potion you can die from
Body aching, bones so tense
as you cough up your heart
and it spills out on the floor
she'll pick it up and eat it
always demanding more
So, you better run for cover
Lock your windows and seal the walls
Never open up for her
and don't you heed her calls
She's a wicked little secret
you never knew was true
now she is coming here for victims
She's coming here for you

Nothing but the Guilty and No Loyalty

"Not Guilty"


These matches, they're left behind
inside this rubble of the burnt spaces in my mind
I know who lit them
I know you lit them
This mess, you burnt away my world
thought it was your revenge against the word
It's all his name
You hate his name
So you burn away the places he could linger
And accuse and mock and point with every finger
How can you blame me?
As if I'm guilty?
It's not my fault things don't work out, little one
Don't blame me for all the damage that's been done
I see these ashes
I have the matches
I'm not guilty


10/30/11


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"Nothing Holds On"

and the road won't lead home
and the leaves still fall
and the sky stills rains
and the water's gone
and the trees bear no fruit
and the seasons come too fast
and nothing is holding on
nor are you
and the doors don't open
and the bills pile high
and the storms never stop
and the time goes by and by
and the memories fade
and the seasons come too fast
and nothing is holding on
nor are you

11/3/11


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Loyalty
seeps away as if this
bucket has a hole now
and if I cannot patch it
what shall be left
for you and I?

By Elizabeth Azpurua