Essence of the Atonement

it's too much for me to bare; how i care, it is frail
inside these walls of my being
i might as well have swallowed the essence of the Atonement
and choked my soul
and drugged my mind
for i still love you and i don't know how not to
this disease of yours is killing me tonight
but i can't not love you; i've tried, and tried, but how to?
you're the one thing that can ruin me in seconds
how can i stand strong against you?
i don't want to have to
i want to hold you
and hold you all here
i am tired of pain
and the shame
and the scars
and the endless destruction plaguing now
can i mend these broken minds?
can we erase the wrong of time?
do i, do i know how to at all?
this love just kills me slow; and i won't know, oh no
until i take my last breath
but I feel like I swallowed the essence of the Atonement
and i am drowning in it
won't forsake you now
i love you and don't know how not to
but it hurts
like nothing before

9/21/11