.......not that it matters.......

I know you get tired of reading
of looking and seeing
of holding my hand as I battle the past
and cradling my sorrows in your lap
I know you get weary with my leading you backwards
while I bring you down into this pit
and in each moment I relapse
you are there, ever constant and strong
I know you get tired of hearing me cry
of helping my tears dry
of being my shield to get through the night
and forcing me to keep up the fight
I know it's repetitive, tiresome; too many words
and you just would like to quit
but is it really such a hard task
to be there when I'm faltering on?
...........maybe. maybe, maybe I should walk away
into some other distant place
take out my mind and cease all these rhymes
shut off the hymns and the noise
maybe, maybe, maybe I should runaway
never hear another word from me
and when you get lonely and come looking someday
you'll find my empty mind by the seashore
........but here I am
an island...amidst the transcending moments
and you are but a pebble on the ground
until I need you again and you come be my friend
and listen to my mind and every sound
and somehow, somehow, somehow,
you learn it's not such a hard task
........................'til then, it's more words, more poems
more nonsense you pretend to read here
and not that it matters, but you are my anchor
and the darkness is growing again