Poisoning Walls Defeat Ice

"Walls of Ice"

Icicles have walled up my heart
Haven't heard your voice in a long while
Once I would have missed the sound
Perhaps my ears have iced over, too
Echoes linger of you in every part
Yearning for you stopped after a while
Once I would have felt so bound
Until I broke free and let go of you
Finally, I walked away but the coldness spread
All of my insides are frozen over
Like I made walls of ice to keep out the sun
Like I made walls of ice to keep out the love
Once I would have fought the apathy
Not now, oh no, I let it wash over me
You don't get to burn me with your love
Or erase my need with all your wants
Until I broke free, I never knew how bound I was
Rescued by reason and my walls have grown
Frozen high, icy towers in my soul
All of my insides are iced over
Couldn't let you burn me anymore
Everything ...is going numb

8/3/15

Elizabeth Azpurua

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"Poisoning Defeat"

My too wild heart, my ribs have caged
My soul so long in want has aged
My lifeless eyes are shunned by you
No longer will my body do
You want a viper
You want a thief
You want a devil who offers relief
You want a demon
You want a piece
Of the pie with poison release
My too wild heart, my ribs have caged
My heart so long a war has waged
My parched lips can't utter what you need
From you I beg a word, I plead
But you want a viper
You want a thief
Your mistress offers your relief
She'll be your devil
Her tongue so sweet
Yet her poisoning is your defeat

7/26/15

Elizabeth Azpurua

Love Does Hurt

A chance I took when I did fall

            Into the arms of love beneath me

Yet waiting there a serpent curled

            With gaping jaws to swallow me

Nothing of the sort of love like stories told in days of yore

Just a death with silver tongue and nothing left anymore

They say love shouldn’t hurt you

            This isn’t true

Often times what hurts the most is the ending of your fall

That doesn’t end in lovers arms, but instead ends it all

 

5/29/14

 

by: Elizabeth Azpurua

Darts into the Fog

I give up
everything you inspire is dark
and like fire
that consumes my page
in rage
and ink
I give up
every word in my poetry
is heard
with apathy
and you never see
this side of me
bleeding out printed words
containing all these hurts
like I am throwing darts
into the fog

I give up
everything I feel is leftovers
I never heal
these emotions linger still
ever will
in ink
I give up
every syllable in my poetry
is capable
of empathy
but you never see
this side of me
bleeding out printed words
containing my curse
like I am throwing darts
into the fog

By: Elizabeth Azpurua

The Hell of Memory

Hail the hell on the waters
Hail the waves
and the towers
But her eyes like ice
Topaz puddles her price
Hail the illusions on hills
Hail the rains
and the chills
Well her eyes were like moss
Losing her was such a loss
Bright light and pain
and walls without a name
Can't see through rain
and I've nowhere left to claim
I miss the wild forests
I miss their tangled hair
I miss the one who watched us
Our guard was passing fair
Hail the hell in the stormy sky
Hail the thunder
and hasten the lie
Hail the crashing of the sea
Hail the waves
and wait it out with me
Because I miss eyes like sapphires
Because I miss walls of stone
Because illusions make raging fires
That burnt away what I had known
Hail the hell of memory
Hail the unknown

By: Elizabeth Azpurua

Not Alone

We're all backed into corners, clothes caught on nails
in loose floor boards, strength failed, sick with ails
There are shadows beneath us and dark figures ahead
Words spent in music that clatters inside our head
We're trying to find someone whose demons can play
well with our own so we can all come as we may
into the sunlight, full sight, nothing to hide
no need to lock doors, build walls; confide
and tell them the truth, tell them the past, the pain
let their dark moments dance with our own in rain
but we're sitting in corners with our knees in our chests
baring our scars to the room like they are our crests
saying "this is war, whose side are you on?"
telling the shadows like they haven't won
Loads of moments, troubles, high - dirty hair falling out
you scraped the bottom, your faith swallowed in doubt
We're all seeking for someone who has demons like our own
who can pull out the weeds from our gardens overgrown
and tear down our walls and unlock our doors; set free
with full sunlight, truth blaring, a moment we can be
ourselves - free, able to stand and face the day knowing
someone like us is out facing the day, too, showing
we're not alone.

Midnight Spider

"Midnight Clarity"

Why does it seem clarity is an after midnight thing
where you're forced to face the fact
the one you want doesn't want you back,
and the one you need you just don't want?
You're dodging bullets like an elephant
and you're feeling pain you let yourself feel
by chasing things that just weren't real.
There are no midnight unicorns,
just wishes dressed as horses wearing horns

9/24/13

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"Spider In The Rain"

Why does it seem I'm hateful and I'm wasted on you now?
You say I'm such a wrong one, tell me oh, tell me how
because I see it like this: I been begging on these knees
for some porridge or a pot of money making beans
and I need some institution that can fix my troubled mind
oh, tell me why you think I've been unkind?
Lately, I been scrambling like a spider in the rain
hurrying to save my web and stop all my pain
You think I am hateful and I am the mean one
but you are not offering me anything now, hun
So tell me I am the wrong one when I'm barely here
hanging on by a single thread caught inside of fear
I need a magic bush to grant me daily bread
and a genie bottle love, to save me from my dread
I need an institution to fix my troubled mind
but you are telling me I am never kind
I been down and I been hurt and scared
With my luck, how would you have faired?
I been scrambling like a spider in the rain
tangled, caught, and out of luck; insane

9/25/13

No More Anymore

     my love was - sought for
       like a lover but done for
     I am unwitting and I am sore
but who says, oh who says more?

 should she linger?, no - she shan't now
       does his finger hold the power now?
       did the dam break the new day?
oh, come again, oh come what may

E'r the dawning comes like cold rain
      awash our souls in the bitter pain
  does it hurt now? something says yes
and burns the soul as it aches the chest

           my love was - just a wish
like I spent time awaiting a wish
  to be born from the edge of this
        in an escaping sigh or a kiss

    shall they linger?, no - they should not
let them wander or lost or become forgot
like a day, or dawn, or a ray, or gone -
 said the silence, said the silent dawn
    in a whimper, or a whisper, or a song
    she said come what may, come along
Oh, be still, oh unsure, but tarry on
      and wait for the rain to be gone
      linger just enough 'til the dawn

      my love was - silence now
    to be burnt in my flesh how?
Like a live wire, a lightning bolt of pain
should I let it mark and scar and remain?
     I am unwitting and I am sore
  and I do not want this anymore

           no,
I cannot want it at all  - no, no more
           no, I cannot want it anymore

9/7/13

Storm Cloud

I’m a storm cloud not a storm drain

Not a drizzle but a heavy rain; you better start seeing things for how they really are

You can talk sharp, hurricane, splinter on the words pouring out in pain

But the lessons really are inside of the insane, like an alabaster mystery without a proper name

They are mask wearing, fast sharing, manipulative snakes, like devils in the desert they are feeding you their taste

In acrid ceremonies living on the inside of your skull, contemplate the betterment and live for something more

She has a forked tongue, single eye, one that wanders, one that lies, listen to the poison dripping from her voice

It’s a velvet kind of sound and leaves you with one choice

Take the heat, take the sand, take what you deserve, you know you can, and says you don’t deserve a forest, just a fake hallucinated oasis

Darling, I’m a storm cloud not a storm drain

I do not drizzle when I rain, and you must be certain I know what they really are

Single serpents in the ground feeding liars until they starve, insane, ponder on the pain

Leave your lessons at the door and make yourself a fake history without a proper name

They are mask wearing, fast sharing, manipulative snakes, like devils in the desert with only one thing to taste

Acrid ceremonies featuring the innocent, contemplate the betterment and hurry shut your door

Foolish one, closed your eyes, seal the whispers of your demise, they will slowly poison and leave you with no choice

In velvet tongues they have one voice

Coated in heat, and in sand, what you deserve you understand, and so you know you deserve a forest but are getting just a fake oasis

I am a storm cloud, not a storm drain; I am nearly like a hurricane

I don’t play around with words and lies

I do not lead you to demise

But they do

 

8/11/13

You Won't

I would walk through fire for you
through ice on bare feet for you
I would fight off one thousand demons for you
would you believe that'd I'd do
anything?
I would stand up and defend
I'd be your shield
I would stand and not pretend
I am right here
but no, you know, I know
you won't
oh no, I know you know
that you won't
You won't walk through the fire for me
if it meant to end your life
because you wish to spend it by her side
You won't walk the ice on bare feet for me
because it would ruin your feet you'll use
to run to her when she will choose
You will not fight even one demon for me
you don't believe in that fighting
or anything
You won't stand up or defend
So please do not pretend
You're not here
oh, oh, you know, I know
you won't
I know, I know you know
that you won't
and it hurts more than anything
to know you won't do anything
I would do it all and more for you
but I know you know you wouldn't do it too

Take it All

I try to write happy songs
try to write happy poems
try to write stories with hope

I tried to be happy girl
full of hope for a better world
but I can't anymore

Take it all, take it all with you
Break me apart, I cannot stop you
You have me all, all of me, you do
It's been you for so long, it's been you

I try to be positive
and write of goodness
and write of the better days

I try to be an upbeat girl
for the betterment of my world
but I can't lie anymore

Take it all, take it all for you
Break me apart 'cuz I won't stop you
You have me all, all of me, you still do
It's been you all along, it's been you

I am bruised and scarred and you mended me
Than you tore me apart and you ended me
Then you pulled me back to a better me
So you could break me, break this new me

Take me all, take me all for you
Break me again since I can't stop you
You have me all, all of me, you always do
It's been you this long, it's been you

I try to write happy words
happy poems
of happy girls
I try to write to be good

I try to be a hopeful girl
to enlighten my whole world
but it's a lie inside anymore
I am over now for you

Why Didn't You Come?

I am cold and it's quiet and the sound is my own
I am missing all the reasons I could name off
The reasons to keep your blue eyes in my mind
But all those reasons slowly, slowly die
You should have came
Why didn't you come?
There's so much pain
and look what's been done
You should have been here long ago
And I waited, and waited, oh
You should have came
Why didn't you come?
I don't think this can be undone
I am alone and it's quiet and it's chilly
I am sitting humming my own song
Everything that used to keep you in my dreams
it has up and left and I don't think of these things
You didn't come
You should have came
Look what's been done
So much pain
You should have been here long ago
And I waited, and waited, oh
You didn't come
You should have came
And I don't recall your name
I see blue eyes I see nothing
I am forgetting it all
You should have come sooner you see
because I'm losing it all
I am cold and alone and it's quiet in here
Thinking of why I am without you
You didn't come
You should have came
Look what's been done
it's such a shame

And Winter Came

And winter came with a cold wind
and broke my heart three times again
I am fallen down into this darkened place
oh, how you kill my soul
I feel my hope go away
and gone........
And winter came and brought a song

With falling snow I lose my self
and try so hard to grow from you
You don't want me, what can I do?
Why am I not good enough for you?

And winter came and brought disease
this shadowed thing that follows me
This thing to kill called heartache
a broken heart is my mistake

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
I shall not recover from what has been done
I know with this changing of seasons to cold
I shall wither and wander with bones of old

And winter came and came so wrong
and with it brought this eery song
And winter came and came it did
and with it came a cold, cold wind

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
for what may be and what may come
I know with this new dawning day
is colder still and more come this way

Oh, winter came and brought with it
three times broken heart to bits
and broke me down to this darkened place
oh, how, how you kill my soul
I feel my hope is gone away
and gone......
and winter came and brought this song

With falling snow I'll bury myself
and try to break off from you
You don't want me, what else shall I do?
Oh, I am not good enough for you

I shall not feel, oh no, now numb
for my soul, my soul is so very done
And winter came and brought this deathly wind
a broken heart, broken three times again

12/24/11

Essence of the Atonement

it's too much for me to bare; how i care, it is frail
inside these walls of my being
i might as well have swallowed the essence of the Atonement
and choked my soul
and drugged my mind
for i still love you and i don't know how not to
this disease of yours is killing me tonight
but i can't not love you; i've tried, and tried, but how to?
you're the one thing that can ruin me in seconds
how can i stand strong against you?
i don't want to have to
i want to hold you
and hold you all here
i am tired of pain
and the shame
and the scars
and the endless destruction plaguing now
can i mend these broken minds?
can we erase the wrong of time?
do i, do i know how to at all?
this love just kills me slow; and i won't know, oh no
until i take my last breath
but I feel like I swallowed the essence of the Atonement
and i am drowning in it
won't forsake you now
i love you and don't know how not to
but it hurts
like nothing before

9/21/11

Stand at the Bottom for You

"My Bed Might be at the Bottom of the Sea"

I cannot break open the silence nor still the roaring waves
your drowning body is lost to me in these silent days
you sink alone and don't you know I'd swim right by you
and if we drown together then that'll just have to do
I'm not making this a playtime game in a park for joy and fun
This isn't a way to pass my time until something else comes along
I was standing my ground and sinking my boots in
My battle gear is ready and I'm set to win
But the silence is like an anchor inside of me
and it becomes a wall over which I cannot see
So, let me be your life raft, let me be your saving gem
Let me the the one who shows you how to make an island
For all those days of troubled waves and your failing aching limbs
I will be the one there beside you or I'll be the one who tries to swim
I know times are troubling, I know we're failing now it seems
yet, deep inside I made a vow to stay no matter the state of things
So, if I drown I drown with you
I will make my bed in a sea of blue
and if I manage to make you an island here
then have no fear, have no fear
Because I'm always here...
I said I would be

9/26/11
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"Standing"

You were standing
that is all I saw
no pretending
yet the feeling raw
burned me inside out
and made a hole
for you to sink into
You were guarding
you were standing tall
not relenting
and you did not fall
I'm wishing I could explain
the emotions there
that mean so much now
so much now
You were standing
with shoulders strong
and I'm not lying
and I'm not wrong
you were stalwart
you were true
you were steady
you were you

9/26/11

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"For You"

to taste you, I would inhale death
to hold you, I would embrace fire
to lay beside you every night I would face the greatest woes
and to cease your troubled dreams I'd chew on razors
if this is not enough from me
then I do not know what more I can do
for you

9/27/11

Mansion Down by the Sea

when the page I see is white
and I've no words to write
and I can't be polite
when the hopes I had have shattered
and nothing else mattered
sickly, here bruised and battered
I await you

You made me a home near the ocean there
a coffin, a prison, a hole so bare
You called it my mansion down by the sea
and you sank me, you drowned me, I'm ending

when the words I speak all are lost
and I cannot bear the cost
into the air all my dreams you tossed
just to watch them all shatter
for none of this will matter
serve me my heart on a platter
I await you

You made me a home near the ocean there
a coffin, a prison, a hole so bare
You called it my mansion down by the sea
and you sank me, you drowned me, I'm ending

In eyes the color of ocean waves
You took my hand and promised me
You'd stand by my side all these days
and bid me to follow you faithfully

You made my death by the ocean there
a coffin, a prison in a hole so bare
It isn't a mansion down by the sea
it's a place to drown me, to kill me, slowly

now I have no words left to free my soul
I will lie helpless here in this lonely hole
until an angel with a saving role
comes to take my hand and give me wings
lifts me out of this darkness while he sings
words to scream at you, to me he brings

I'll escape from my home by the ocean there
a coffin, a prison, no longer will I care
Blue eyes will not be the mansion for me
nor will it be the death of me
you will not be the death of me
I'm not drowning


9/16/11

Shot the Kaleidscope for Happy?

"Shot"

bullet in the dark
i consult your intentions
poke at you with a metaphorical fork
you seem to be colored in something like crimson
perhaps it's poison
you seem to have left a trail
you leave behind a stain
and in my chest I feel pain
what are you?

9/16/11

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"You Sound Like Happy"

if all i can remember is your laugh
that is all i need
that is all i will hear haunt my dreams
if all i can hold to is your happiness
i will feel joy for you
i will feel better knowing the truth
if only laughter were enough to stop the earth
i would claim a moment or two
to carve into my eardrums the sweetest sound
it's the sound of you

9/16/11

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"Kaleidoscope"

They broke me long ago
this you didn't know, this you didn't know
Then you came and told me to stand
told me the remnants of my being were mine to keep
so I remade myself in fragments of glass
and you made me feel beautiful
and useful
and different to the eyes
you made of me a marvel
If you only realized
Prismatic is my heart now, love
contained in changing lights

9/16/11

Dead Cardinal

inside my hand you lay in feathers red
oh, bird, my sweet
i fear you're dead
this swift descent toward barren ground
in wounded thoughts
and mourning sound
she stole your life and freedom wings
in feathers red
and broken dreams
i lay you now in sodden grass
and wait in agony
for you to pass

Iron Ground

"Iron Gate"

You're a landscape photo of doom
A haunted corridor and frozen time
You're a dead flower never to bloom
and you won't claim what is mine
So step back here now
And wait
I will place up this gate
These iron bars spell out for you clearly
You cannot have what belongs to me
You're a collection of the dreadful ones
A nasty little thought inside your mind
You're the one choking out my lungs
and I am breaking down inside
So step back right now
And wait
I will place up this gate
These iron bars will explain it perfectly
You don't get to keep what belongs to me

8/5/11
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"The Ground"


the ground is where we drag ourselves along
no flags of white
no freedom song
the ground is where we lay our souls
no words to save
no softer holes
the ground is where we leave behind hope
no ending light
no way to cope
the ground is where we see the sky
no way to reach
no time to fly
the ground is where we lay for sleep
no more pain again
no more fight to keep


7/27/11


by Elizabeth A.

Poison and a Hearse

those stars just don't seem to ever cross
and the bridges I burnt are a formidable loss
the echoes of past times are a sickening sound
and when you enter here my head spins around
there is no light in these darkened rooms
I choke and die within your toxic fumes
you let me crawl across the floor in agony
and never give me any of your mercy
and now those stars rain down like evil fire
and all the reasons I held onto become dire
you breathe the poison into me like a curse
and then call for me a long black hearse
and watch as I'm taken in a coffin of loss
bearing the emblem of a broken cross
so my lifeless form will remember the sickening sound
of the love that I sought after and never found

7/3/11

Killer Doll is Hurting Me

"Who's Fault is it For Hurting?"

You're a shotgun in the dark
that I never see coming
at me
left with holes and scars
Who's fault is this
for hurting?
So you mock me now?
And you poke my eyes out
and you leave me to die on the ground
Who's fault is it for my hurting?
So why is it blamed on me?
You're a stormcloud on my beach of hope
that lightening strike will get me
and I never see it coming
at me
So you end me in a whirl of flames
and you poke at my scorched skin
Well who's fault is it that I'm hurting?
Then why do I get blamed for it?

5/25/11

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"Killer Doll"

Charade, with a knife, and coller
of lace, and pearls, and ribbons
Curls and lipstick and a smile on your face
you stick the knife into me
I was besotted by your beauty
I had thought you were a doll
So, you smile, Charade, in your lace and pearls
and with a knife
you kill me

5/25/11